True love lies inside you..

Happy Wesak Day 2011

2011-05-17T22:09:00.008+08:00

First and foremost, a blessed Wesak to all. Hope the Buddha teaching and guidance stay in your heart !

This is the 3rd year, I have volunteered myself to the temple and I was assigned to the oil lamp service desk. Arriving on the eve of this gracious day, I helped out in pasting label of generous contributors all seeking for great blessing in life. The area is beautifully decorated with unlit oil lamp in glass.

The ceremony was to begin at 7pm, unfortunately or fortunately a heavy down pour or I should say a freak storm hit the town. All you can observed people standing in one hall or area of the temple, waiting for the rain to stop. As soon as the rain stopped, the sight is gradually filled up with people walking with umbrella. The lighting ceremony was delayed till 8.30pm and Chief Monk Ratana and fellow sangkha in the temple presented the lighting ceremony.

As the time get closer to 11pm, rain has stopped for all worshippers to continue their prayers for Lord Buddha on this very special englightment day. The temple was then packed with devotees, and our counter was really busy. My duty was to end by 10pm, however seeing the flow of people coming to the counter, I stayed on till 11.30 pm.

I started the day at 5am, reporting to the temple at 6am, attending the morning service, feeling the sense of comfort....haha some kind of after prayer's effect. I went back to my position and just enjoying the work given. Just before the arrival of the DPM, the monk has requested for all counters, volunteers to stop work and meditate for 5 minutes. We performed Metta meditation ~ my favourite. The temple was in total silence (nearly) and just imagine the peacefulness.

To my enlightenment, I find place of worship like this and the significant of oil lamp performs to acquire merit or to avert evil influence, the blessing does not limit to just Buddhist devotees. I have received name of other religion and the temple seen crowded with visitors be it Muslim, Christian and many other nationalities.

It is to my amaze...I truly enjoyed my voluntary work yesterday evening and this morning. The day hasn't stopped after my duty, I came home to take my 3 precious to FGS and to perform the prayers. The kids thoroughly enjoyed the ritual of bathing the Buddha. It's the symbol of inner purification for one. Just in case you like to know what to chant...or for me to remember in the near future, the following should be chant :

1st wash : May I eliminate all evil thoughts

2nd wash : May I cultivate good deeds

3rd wash : May I save all living beings

That was the end of my Wesak Day...a little hectic but it's all worthwhile.

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu..may all be well, peaceful and happy !

Seasons change

2011-02-15T10:43:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 7am, told myself it is time to go for the morning walk, but didn't make it as I went back to sleep....

Soon woke up again at 8.30 am and kids made decision for me must go for the walk. The weather has been a bit overcast not too hot. Guess it is a public holiday I didn't see others walking...or I was late this morning.

As I walk, I look around the surrounding and it brings back some memories. There is no four seasons here in Malaysia, but the seasonal change to me is when the flower blooms. I remember it is always around April to May my favourite sight on the ground where the Angsana flowers covers the street turning it into a yellow carpet....awesome.

Though we do not have a distinctive autumn where falling yellow leaves are seen...but in my heart, this is my seasonal change and love it.

Growing up kids

2011-02-07T15:15:00.003+08:00

It is now an absolute certainty that I am a divorcee and the children are all under my custody. Recently I read in the newspaper about this 12 years old Bi-Anne who is in between the two parents and both side has a story. What would be the outcome ? Who knows and how will it affect all the three persons, it surely will but to what extend, I can't be sure. There are many assumption, if she lives with her mum in London, she will probably grow up in a different environment, receive different educational system, on the other side, if she lives with her dad, what would be the environment as the dad said in the newspaper, he lives in Jinjang and his lifestyle and environment is associated with gangsterism even though he was not involved. Good luck to them !

Another friend who is not in good relationship with the wife, is going through temporary separation. I asked him what is the motive of your wife taking the children away ? He answered, is the ultimate term that he should come back to her. Will one just say ok and go back to the marriage ? Can anyone think beyond all and sacrifice for the sake of the children ? To continue to live in an estranged relationship for the sake of the children ? It's tough and not easy and in my case, I think it is easier, one party decided firmly and left no alternative for at all.

I have three growing up kids, they have been through with me since 2007 separation. These days kids are much more matured that you think. They can sense what is happening in the family and they cope with it. It is now coming to 4 years, I often asked myself can I carry on this life, a life that is healthy for them, educating them the right way ? Am I good enough to guide them to be successful ? Can I do it ? What if I fail, what would happen to them ?

When this thought comes by, I fear and fear even more ! I also tell myself there is only so much you can do ! Don't push yourself too much ! I had my relative who told me she decided to be a housewife as her salary would not be enough to pay for the maid and other expenses, her choice is to stay at home and give the children the motherly love. Hearing this, I began to think if my children are getting enough love and attention from me ? How much can a single mum handle work and kids together ? I must be honest that it is not easy at all, I have my limits and when they get too loud or overly hyper, I need them to stop. It is very confusing at times, when they are so happy, rejoicing and playing together but I told them to slow down, am I stopping them to be happy ? Is this right ?

Just some of my thoughts and I feel the kids are doing ok....they are growing up to be more understanding !

Love you all kids !

What is my scorecard for 2010 ?

2010-12-30T00:27:00.009+08:00

Hi there, it has been a few months since my last post ! I still enjoy writing but work has been really busy. Thankfully for this and feel really grateful !

Hope everyone out there is as excited as I do to usher the new year in just less than 3 days. I have posted this on my facebook :

Each new year is a reminder to celebrate all the things that are good in your world, the people you love, the places you are part of, unforgettable moments in life, breathe your life with a smile and sincerely I hope your heart is filled with lots of little reasons to celebrate in this new year !

I like it very much, it reminds me to look at 362 days that have gone past in an eventful ways and now I look forward to more reasons to make 2011 a better one.

What is my scorecard for 2010? I think I have passed with flying colors ! I am happy and I want to get a distinction for 2011. This year has been truly challenging for me both personal life and career wise. I look forward to 2011 and I have a feeling it is going to be a good one.

Keep going is the statement I often been told ! I believe it drives to where I am now :)

Cheers to all for a wonderful success in 2011 !

Finally it happened !

2010-09-17T22:55:00.006+08:00

What kind of title is this ? I don't know how to title it a better way and guess what you are about to read below will explain why !

It is 3 years now and the divorce is over though not fully finalised. The kids have not met my ex-husband for the last 3 years, I think there were occasions that I met him without the kids, and I always have this daunting feeling of what is the reaction if the kids see him. I have even asked them what would be their feelings and reaction if they meet their father. The children answered "I don't know".

Tonight, my son hadn't had his dinner before tuition, so took all with me for a supper. I saw my ex's car and next I saw him walked into the restaurant. He saw me while I was talking on the phone, and he walked straight into the restaurant. In less than 5 minutes, he walked out again. I feel the kids saw him but couldn't recognise him at all.

I thought when he saw us, he might come by and say hello....sadly his decision to ignore us is affirmed by his action tonight. I think it is good as this will not disturb the children, actually I feel I need to thank him for this. Otherwise, I have to worry the post effect of seeing him again after 3 years.

So sad or so glad, what is the answer ? Or I should go to another restaurant next time...

It has happened finally...I don't look forward to it anymore. It's really tough for me, I can't deal with this emotion swift. Me and the kids are coping well with our lives now.

A family vacation

2010-06-26T01:06:00.005+08:00

It is coming to 3 years I finally took the kids for a vacation on my own. Kids have been lucky to have great aunties, grand parents who love them very much. I planned for this family vacation since February and kept it secret away from the children. Two months ago, broke the news about the vacation to Bali.

We were away for one week vacation at beautiful Nusa Dua beach. How do I describe the trip ? It is fun, lots of laughter, also tired and stress coping with kids all day long ! Overall, my rating is a wonderful one. It is wonderful in many ways, children are seen very happy, the bonding is stronger which I could feel it wasn't there for awhile. Everyday is a learning day for me. Understanding everyone around me, coping with their moods and whatever that comes by.

It wasn't just vacation, I worked too trying to close a deal. But it is all worth it, the vacation seems like a paradise to us, sitting by the pool almost 1/4 of the day, and enjoying evening cocktail (not much of sunset) but enjoying the sea breeze and just relaxing.

Kids wanted our attention so much that Joelle sent a note to our room stating the time for UNO game...hahahaha. How could we ignore their request !? Such a great family bonding effort from her. I starved the kids without lunch on one afternoon, and they had no choice but to open up the mini bar and consumed the Oreo, but worrying how to inform me as I was out for an errant.

Little things that kids have done to make a man happy through their personal feeling and writing on a special card. It is a great feeling and I look forward to more of such family vacation !

One year ago

2010-06-04T10:51:00.004+08:00

It was this day in 2009, I went on a solo vacation to some very romantic resorts in Kota Kinabalu. Two months prior to departure, I booked the flight and hotel for the complimentary stay that I won during my quiz and lucky draw session. The booking is for myself and weeks before the trip, I wanted some friends to join me but unfortunately no one wanted to come with me.

I think it is fated that no one was supposed to come with me. I took a midday flight and almost missed the check in time. I arrived at the airport and a local friend picked me up and sent me to the resort which is 45 mins from the city.

Checked into a very large room, a big bed enough for 3 persons but I was all alone. Not really sure what to do on solo vacation, simply sat by the bed, turn on my laptop and started to blog. I sat lazily looking outside the balcony and decided that I should just go down for a nice dinner. I was the only one who sat alone at the restaurant. I felt very odd and strange alone and I should have just ordered room service. No, I wanted to do something different and I enjoyed 2 hours dinner at the restaurant. Almost 10pm, decided to sit by the lobby lounge to enjoy the live music. Ordered a Mojito and reading some magazine under a dimmed light.

Seating not too far, there was a gentleman dressed smartly in light coloured shirt and a dark coloured slack. There was no conversation till I think when he asked me about Mojito. I moved closer to him upon his invitation and also the music was loud. We started our conversation and not till very late, we had the live band to play us a lovely "Besame Mucho" on clarinet. It was very romantic....

After that I left...I went back to the room, wondering to my self, why am I here at such a romantic resort but all alone ?

Next morning, I woke up early went to the gym and had a good breakfast and chatted with a few guests who were traveling to Langkawi next. The trip to BKI was meant to be purely vacation but since I was pitching for a job, I took some of my personal time to inspect another resort. I left in a hurry and came back only after lunch. It was a sunny afternoon, and I booked a pampering massage and finished around 6 pm. Not really sure what to eat,I walked past all the F & B outlets and I decided to try the buffet. It is really not the best choice.

Went back up to the lobby to listen to the live band and supposedly to meet him again, but he didn't show up. Guess he couldn't remember after so many long island tea. As I was leaving the lounge, I saw him. He invited me for a drink and we sat and chat with few other guests. We had another drink we decided to go back to the room. We walked to the lift and he gave me a good night kiss...and he said this "I think I will love you" and he stepped out of the lift on 3rd floor and I was on upper floor.

We had a date the next day to go to STAR taking the shuttle service as I was checking out from RRR to stay one complimentary night in STAR. Unfortunately he changed his mind and decided to stay in the resort for other activities. We bid farewell...I thought we will never meet again and it would have been just a memory of this man that I met in RRR.

Now, one year later we are together and relationship is getting stronger day by day! Our love for each other is eternally and we want to grow old together ! It is now our lives and planning for two !

Happy Anniversary !

Happy Wesak Day 2010

2010-05-28T18:37:00.003+08:00

This is an anniversary celebration for my voluntary service to Buddhist Mahavihara Temple.

I chose to be helper at the Registration Counter. I find it a tougher job than what I was doing last year. I still remember how my fingers scented with the natural scent from all kind of flowers. It is a much easier and organised job somehow.

Seating at the registration counter, the challenges are different. Some volunteers who came and names not found listed in the duty list, some wished to change duty and some were not happy with the given T Shirt that not fitting very well. There were many sections of responsibilities and it has been not easy to really tell all what they were supposed to do.

This morning the temple was extremely high guarded by security and police as Prime Minister and his wife were the guest of honour together with at least another 10 Ambassadors and High Commissioners. The welcoming for the couple was truly Malaysian, from the native Sri Lankan Dance to Kompang and Lion Dance. It is so colourful...it is about 1 Malaysia.

That is about the front scene that all of us managed to see, but at the back of the kitchen, celebrities chef Gordon Ramsay was busy cooking very privately preparing meals for the guest of honours was told by the papers read few days ago.

What a gala Wesak Day celebration !

Most importantly is year after year of visiting temple on this special day and many other non occasional day, my faith for the teaching of Buddha and its precepts are far better understood.

Peace in oneself, peace in the world

Where there is lovingkindness, peace is found too !

Sadhu sadhu sadhu !

New Journey

2010-05-24T23:52:00.005+08:00

The month of May has been very eventful for the last two weeks.

I have posted earlier the various incidents that had happened and last Thursday was my last day at work.

As expected I didn't hope for a big good bye party. I have been not very "engaged" into the environment maybe I just couldn't due to the issue I was facing with the management. Therefore the farewell was good that I hadn't face the boss but instead a nice lunch with my fellow colleagues. I had asked for a half day early release that took half day of my salary, but it is all worth it, otherwise I have to return to work still tomorrow.

The soonest I quit my job, my new adventure begins. I have an excited world out there awaiting for me. I had meetings that I have not had before, it is not the same thing that I have done before, business lunch and drinks with partners of large corporation.

I know from today, my life is about to change. I share this with the kids, told them Mom is now the boss of her own company. My brilliant son extended his hand to shake my hand followed by "Congratulations Mom".

I know this is a wonderful thing in my life...but reality is I still have both feet standing firmly on the ground. This is just the beginning, it is important to stay as humble as I am. All I need is the right support and commitment towards my business and I will be someone one day !

I love it...and I love you so much !

The after divorce feeling

2010-05-15T09:35:00.004+08:00

Am I happy after divorced ? I have posted on my facebook wall as : the day has finally arrived..I am done with it.

The comments that I received are congratulations / great days ahead / way to go and etc. They know exactly how I should feel about this day.

I guess for those who are not aware of what I was going through earlier, maybe it sounded like I just got married. But it is the otherwise...I have just divorced, I ended my marriage of 13 years. I wasn't sure of what is the feeling...but fore sure it is a relief. I know I have a closure to the relationship that has turned bad and unpleasant. It is good for both of us. For him, if he wishes to remarry and settle down with a new partner...I wish him well. As for me, I want a release from the past...the rest is history.

I have so much to look forward to. The life ahead of me will be blissful and happy. The new journey will be exciting and interesting part of my life. So much about me, most importantly is I am happy mom who will bring happiness to the kids. They have gone through a rough time too...they have seen how I suffered emotionally that had affected them too. The kids deserve a happy parent...it is my responsibility to bring them up happily. They may have shadows of the past...from now onwards, I hope the shadow of the past will slowly disappear from them.

I can see their joy on their little faces a few days ago when we went out for family dinner. All three were trying to get their attention from us. This is all about parenting. I am glad I have beautiful and fun children.

I am a new person, a person who has strengthen my faith in life, a person who is about to embark on a new experience. Anything about to happen in my life will only be a wonderful and truly happy life for all.

The happiness is in my hand !

Eventful Week - I have resigned, I have divorced

2010-05-11T00:38:00.005+08:00

It has been quite an eventful week. It is more to do with making decision. Every decision that I made will affect me for the rest of my new chapter of life.

Firstly I have tendered my resignation after almost two years working in this company. A place that I have learnt new experienced no doubt about it. Unfortunately, it is the environment and the people (not all) that I just couldn't blend in well. When I first started working in this company, I encountered some age gap, and also the mentality and attitudes toward work is far different from my previous environment. However, after some discussion with the management, I tried and it was ok. Somehow in life, we need to move on and I decided to.

Now, the next decision or rather something decided almost two years ago finally concluded. My divorce proceeding since November 2008 has called it the day. It is 10 May 2010, we finally stood in front of the judge and accepted to dissolved the marriage vow that we made in 1997. When you are the registrar of marriage, you said "I Do", at the Family Court, you declare "I do...understand". It is that you understand your responsibility after the divorce. My first experience...hahahah obviously, the court is packed with all strangers other than your supporting family members, ex husband and the legal counsel. It is quite funny that the legal counsel read out what is agreed upon the petition to the whole audience....hahahaha, and ours seems to be the longest read!

After the court announced it will be legalised after 3 months, I suddenly asked myself if I have asked for a lot from him. Sadly, I feel the whole marriage turned bad was due to financial matter. Money seems to be in the way in life, and create obstacle and trouble for many. Business partner turned sour, employer not honoring what had been promised eg.. commission and salary, marriage couple coping with bills and financial commitment..

I have a life to live with three young kids..I need to organise our lives! My ex (officially certified today) was having small argument with me outside the court room. He raised some money matter of the past, and he claimed he is paying me more than what he used to provide the house. I asked myself again, he asked for divorce, he said he will provide etc..etc..and I asked for what I feel we deserved, and he agreed. However yesterday morning in the court, he sounded like I had put a gun at his head to agree, and seem to me I had forced it. Why is it still so unfair to me ? The petition is mutual and if one feels unacceptable, why accept ?

Whatever it is, the most disheartening is he never even asked about the children ? It is coming to three years and the only picture I have sent to him is probably 2 years ago and yet he shown no care or concern about them at all. Whatever is written in the petition about the access to visit the kids are bullshit. It was all written so that the divorce can pull through as he denied all access to the kids since the day he decided to divorce.

Ok..life move on, new chapter, new job and new life. The past has its closure and it is the future and the new journey that matters.

Everyday will be a beautiful day, blessed one and a grateful one.

With metta to all, especially family and friends that have been giving me lots of moral support.

A Conference To Remember

2010-05-03T13:03:00.003+08:00

The last week of April had been really busy for me. The conference that I have been working on for almost one year finally took the stage.

Originally targeted for 700 persons but it hit only 500 persons and it is a good number. It is not a world class congress but Asean level and the support from the local has been encouraging. The programme was packed for 2 1/2 days.

The site is crowded with over 21 booths exhibiting their services and products. It has been such a good experience for me managing the entire project. It is like a pregnancy process but it took longer than 40 weeks. So one can imagine the size of the baby "project"....hahaha! The process went through some hiccups...just like any pregnancy you bound to have some difficulties here and there. Finally, the baby is ready to see the world..and some preparation required for the labour, quite a painful one !

There is another event that I organised in conjunction with this Asean Federation of Haematology Conference. It is a CML (Leukemia) event for patients. Some of them look as good as anyone of us. It is heart touching to see how one encourages another to be strong.

At the end of the event, nothing is perfect as much as we hope it will be. We have our own scorecard be it the client, vendor, myself and the delegates. It is hard to please all, but as long as we consciously know our commitment and responsibilities toward the job that matters most. I did my best !

With metta to all !

Damage Control Day

2010-04-16T01:06:00.003+08:00

The last few days hasn't been easy at work. It is like a time bomb, expecting it to explode and see how far the damage is.

Finally, the bomb exploded and I had to deal with the damage control. Thankfully the damage hasn't killed anyone but it is enough to keep me in maximum stress level for the past 48 hours. I couldn't sleep, I had the most worrying face and the look that one can tell I am unhappy and concern. I lost the sweet smile on my face...

The day finally came that I have to face all and deal with it. It is like you enter a room that you are about to be sentenced to death and you need to appeal not guilty. The look on everyone is not friendly...my heart felt like I will die soon.

Somehow, it is about taking some courage and face the fact. I explained what I could and made sensible explanation to all based on the actual situation. At the end, it went well...the damage control is solved...not 100% though ! Still need to do some follow up and hopefully by the end of the week, it will be over.

Most importantly...everyone is happy. Process is an experience but a desirable outcome is more important.

Good night and wishing all of you a wonderful day !

Buddha Said No !

2010-04-14T21:25:00.001+08:00

This was forwarded to me and I find it cute....just post it here for my own reading in the future ! Hope it makes some sense to you too !

I asked Buddha to take away my 'bad' habits.

Buddha said, No.

It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked Buddha to make my handicapped whole.
Buddha said, No.
Your spirit is whole, and your body is only temporary.

I asked Buddha to grant me Patience.

Buddha said, No.

Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked buddha to give me Happiness.

Buddha said, No.

I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.

I asked buddha to spare me Pain.

Buddha said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to enlightenment.

I asked Buddha to make my spirit grow.
Buddha said, No.

You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked Buddha for all things
that I might enjoy life.

Buddha said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked Buddha to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
Buddha said... Ahhhh,
finally you have the idea!!!

If you love others as much as you would have love yourself, send this to those you know.

THE DAYS ARE YOURS &
DON'T WASTE IT AWAY.

May The Blessings of the Buddhas be with You always,

'To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world'

'May Buddha Bless you and keep you safe always,
May Buddha's radiance shine upon you,
And give you Peace, Health & Prosperity always'

'Good friends are like stars....
You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.

Loveless Family

2010-04-04T19:47:00.006+08:00

I was reading a book about forgiving and I realize I was overly ambitious about re-bonding my ex husband and his family.

My family is not the most perfect family, parents are not the role model of one very happily married couple, but both of them showed us love and the strength of family unity and never leave us to feel loveless. They are just like any couple, arguments are just part of being together but through the bad times, both of them have never walked out the family.

When I first met my ex husband, I came to understand his family background and the disharmony in it. He felt little love from the family and preferred to stay out on his own after Form 5. He knows very well his mom loves him but the family was not capable of providing him much to further his study. He had a bad childhood when his father left the family for few years and back to the family again. He knew how much his mom suffered when she had to single handedly managed the family.

I know he withdrew himself very much from the family and after we got married, I tried to bring him closer to his family as I believe in family harmony and closeness is very important. I did what a daughter in law would do and we had a few good years...sadly it didn't have the best achievement and I don't know if it was my fault to even bring him back to the family. Finally when my father in law passed away, it is a sight of loveless family that I see in him. Truly very sad that he chose to be away from all of us.

Now looking back at his childhood, he should know the suffering and pain of a woman keeping up with life looking after her children and why did he allow it to happen again !

Till today I have no answer to his decision....

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."

Lewis B. Smedes - Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve

Happy Children

2010-04-04T12:11:00.004+08:00

My life is surrounded by laughter of my beautiful children. On good days or bad days for me, it makes no different, their laughter remain.

Children are so innocent and pure but they are no longer the kids of older generation. They are mature and sensitive too. Sometimes I wonder if they know what is happening in the family. The answer is they do. My girl shares her story from school that her friend is also a single parent kid.

I remember almost three years now, I told myself that the kids' life should not change. I know it is tougher to do it all alone and I struggle still. My concern is that I want the kids to remember their childhood the way it should be. Honestly I won't know what will be the impact on them, probably I will see when they grow up. All I can do is to make sure they are given the best quality life as much as possible.

As of now, I know they are always so happy, they play together, fight and argue too. Mostly I can hear is their laughter that make my day. I guess this is the best I have done for them, keeping that cheerfulness in them.

Metta for my beautiful kids always....

沒那麼簡單

2010-03-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

I was listening to this song while working and her voice and the lyrics captured my attention. If you understand mandarin, it is a nicely written song. Life is all about "沒那麼簡單"!

沒那麼簡單就能找到聊得來的伴
尤其是在看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單就能去愛別的全不看
變得實際也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話隨便聽一聽自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上關上了手機舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經

沒那麼簡單就能去愛別的全不看
變得實際也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話隨便聽一聽自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上關上了手機舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經
想念最傷心但卻最動心的記憶

Stressful March

2010-03-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

It has been a very tiring and stressful month of March. It all started with the tremendous huge expenses that I had to pay for the car maintenance, maid's renewal permit and school fee and another blow on the car maintenance just last week.

Life is so tough especially when all these unexpected expenses got on me. I almost feel suffocating with the situation. Just when I thought my car is ready to take me miles without much problem, it is just unfortunate and it needed another repair.

Now comes the maid issue, she is due to go home in March but due to all this nonsense with the Indonesian maid that both governments hadn't come to agreement, we, those who really need a maid to look after the children are suffering. Some had to go for Cambodian maid that who hardly speak English and it takes about 3 - 6 months to understand each other. I can't afford this and to hire a Filipino will be too expensive for me and next option or no option is to wait for the release of the Indonesian maid and this is unknown when.

My maid is happy to extend a few months for me but still I have to pay a bloody big amount for her renewal. And from my many years experience of hiring Indonesian maid, when they are due to go home, their behaviour is questionable, they are not as hardworking and all sort of problem will arise. My poor kids are in her hands ! In any case, I have to prepare almost RM10k for the next application ! I wish I don't have to depend on them.

Last but not least, the job that pays my salary isn't coming along well. Felt really not motivating after 21 months with the company. I have been busy this month and reasons why I am not motivated ? I have the answer..Sad but.....

What to do...I have so much stress to deal with ! This is a post of letting out my frustration after not writing for so long. Wish I am writing something that is beautiful about my life but got to let this out and move on to seek better life.

Good night all !

The Lucky Ones

2010-03-03T23:02:00.005+08:00

I found this song and the lyrics meant a lot to me...

This is what I feel about two as one and hope this lyrics will remind each other how to keep the relationship always happy and appreciative.

Honestly this is not my favourite song...but can't help it the lyrics is meaningful.

The Lucky Ones

Sometimes you're sentimental

I know exactly what to do

And if I'm temperamental

You calm me down and you pull me through

We are the lucky ones

We have one another

When the end of the day has come

I return to you

Life can be so demanding

Sometimes it's hard to make it through

It's love and understanding

You give to me, I give to you

Our own fairy tale

Our favorite bedtime story

One that we won't forget

We fell in love

We knew from the start

We'd always be together

The first time that we met

Can't forget

All alone in the setting sun

I'll have you and you'll have me

Good or Bad

2010-02-23T14:46:00.004+08:00

Good or bad ? How do you know ?

Life is so unexpected and we don't know what we have decided upon is going to be good or bad. Recently I met a few friends and they told me about bumping onto my ex and his girl friend. I haven't seen him for some times and have no idea how he looks like now. The report I have is that he has put on weight and look a bit older. Even I had grown older now..so it is natural that he does.

My friends told me that she doesn't look as attractive as I do ....hahahaha is that something to make me feel good ??? Yes la a little I admit. But whether she is not so pretty or not, does it matter ? Now it is not who he found that matters to me, I am not the best too for him and there is no perfect in relationship. He found her to be good in some quality that he can't find in me and I can't see some qualities that I like to see in a man. He may have not lived up to be a perfect husband but I know he tried. Whether he has made the right choice....who knows!?

So Good or Bad choice ? Nobody knows really. Just live in current moment and make good relationship to yourself !

Chinese New Year 2010

2010-02-16T20:52:00.004+08:00

Gong xi fa cai to all !

It has been a real busy weeks and I just didn't have time to sit down to blog much. Time flies, we are into 3rd day of Chinese New Year celebration and soon we are on 15th day. This year I celebrated my new year in KL. In the past, I will spend some time preparing Chinese New Year especially the last week buying some stuff to cook, decorate and whatever. However, one week before the new year, I was away in Singapore and only spent the last two days before CNY in KL.

Despite being so busy, coping with work, family and friend visiting, I had a real good week spent with family. It is about bonding and getting to know each other better.

While I was in Singapore, in fact this is the first time I visited Singapore during the CNY. Drove around the Chinatown area, seen the decoration on the street and I actually felt the mood for CNY. I read an article in the newspaper while I was there, read about the God Protector based on the Chinese Horoscope. Somehow, I saw the temple by chance as we were going for an appointment and I decided to do some prayers. I found out my Protector and adopted it and hopeful for great blessing. It may sound a bit commercialised but I guess it happens everywhere nowadays.

It has been a wonderful week for me, did a lot for the family in a very special way. I sincerely hope the children are truly happy and feel more love than before. I am truly happy.

With metta to all, may all being have a wonderful year and success is awaiting for all in whatever you endeavored.

Having an affair

2010-01-31T17:19:00.007+08:00

I read this interesting article about becoming mistress. And I have wrote a post on similar topic before. What is noticeably different in affairs is when one is kept as a "secret" and one becomes an "open" relationship.

When it is a secret relationship, it takes a lot more for the woman to cope with having a man in her life that she can only see him once awhile. It is also more peaceful for the relationship. When the man goes home, he is seen as a responsible father and loving husband...hmmmm some times it may not be. As for the woman, it is the loneliness she has to deal with.

When the relationship is open and "accidentally" known to the family, it surely will create unrest situation in the family, shocking and unbelievable that their loving father is loving someone else. In some instances, the mistress can be as young as his children. A lot of time, the man is not happy with his marriage life or he lacks something in his life and found it from the mistress. Mistress is just a woman who happens to be hook up to a married man, she can be a very kind and modest lady who know how to take care of her man, please spare an understanding and not to discriminate.

Once the relationship is no longer a secret, I feel it is time for the man to make some decision. Some situation can turn very ugly and it maybe fights between two women or more....like those in the movie. The man will have to make a choice how to deal with the situation. To leave the mistress or to have best of both world. To have best of both world, for the mistress it may seems easier, as they have started on the ground that she knew he is married and the relationship has been secret anyway, but for the wife, she needs to live a life behind a shadow, she needs to regain total trust or just live to accept it.

Sometimes I feel if two persons choose to love in such circumstances (affairs relationship), it is best to keep it private or secret as much as possible. As long as they are happy with the company even though times spent together is short. To be able to find a person who makes you happy is not easy, why makes it miserable when you found each other ? Love is a gift...make it worthwhile when you are in love. Life is too short to love!

Just my thoughts about having an affair.

Once you get yourself stable, you can reach out !

2010-01-31T16:31:00.003+08:00

This is something I read in the paper today and it means a lot. When one person has to deal with life situation that occurred unexpectedly, a death, a dream shattered or the family is broken, to get over the reality is not about 1 - 2 months, in fact the timing is unknown.

This quote "Once you get yourself stable, you can reach out" is a reminder to me! Am I stable with my situation ? Sometimes I feel yes but why do I still hug my pillow and cry sometimes ? Am I not over yet ? I am also confused with my state of mind. I feel I have walked out of this dark shadow and ready to reach out which I think I have, and I have stand tall, chin up to face the society. Maybe I put up a brave front as I know there is no better way to deal with it.

Life goes on and I choose a new life that is full of energy, happiness and great health. I reminded myself that my children depended upon me to be a good mom and I have to move on. Seriously only if you are in my shoes you will understand how to deal with 3 kids. Kids being kids they are inquisitive, mischievous and not all time mommy's good kids, they drive me up the wall when they are not obedient. What I am trying to say is I need a breather.

A breather is necessary for me otherwise I will become cynical and emotional unstable. I mean it is serious because at times I wonder if I am suffering from mild depression. I am just over sensitive I think, and I am not. Maybe because I am just stressed and a bit under the weather since few days back.

Conclusion is...I am stable but occasionally still quite disturb by the life situation. I have a life to deal with and it is my life and not depended on someone to deal with it on my behalf. I can share it but I shouldn't expect someone to shoulder it for me.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years

~ Abraham Lincoln

All I know is this is a life long journey...LIVE Life, LAUGH a lot, LOVE forever.

Metta to all who loves me :)

I am so sick

2010-01-29T11:59:00.003+08:00

It has been a long while since I fell sick like this. This time I lost my voice and thankfully I hadn't developed any fever or body ache.

I feel really awful and tired due to the sore throat and energy level is dropping. The worst was I had an event yesterday in the midst of my terrible sore throat. I attended meetings with client and running all over to get things done.

Thankfully the event went well, client is very happy and pleased with all the arrangement. The attendance was 100%. Though it is just a simple appreciation luncheon, I must say it went really well. We decorate the place to create the ambiance for Chinese New Year. I do have to thank the restaurant staff for their great supports from the day I liaised with them. Yesterday the kitchen had to cope with cooking for 120 peoples and the staff were all smiling and yet very attentive to my last minutes request. Maybe I should mention the restaurant...AMARIN heavenly THAI.

Now, I am recuperating from the exhaustion that I have to miss the company trip to HCM. I would love to join everyone but my family comes first. My little girl is down with fever and cough and went for check up twice and still not improving. I need to regain my voice.....I need to be energetic again, that's me.

Have a good weekend !

With metta always :)

Parents Orientation Day

2010-01-23T16:01:00.004+08:00

Today is the parent orientation day for my baby girl's kindergarten. I attended and found a lot of goodness in it. Even though I have two other older kids, I don't remember I have attended such event, maybe they called it differently such as meet the parents day, purely for the purpose of collecting report cards.

I chose this school for my little baby is because of their curriculum is different from what other school offers. I must say I wasn't fully understood it till today I have a better picture, and to a lot of the parents, they felt the same too.

This school is the more expensive than the school that my older children had attended. I am quite happy to see my baby girl's progress so far. The comment from the teacher has been very encouraging. On weekly basis, I get to see her progress through the communication book, also for me to share my comments about her.

I am so proud of my girl..it is my hope that she will grow up as a all rounder in every aspect in life ! I hope she will grow up to be a girl full of confident and most of all, a very happy and cheerful person.

Detaching soon

2010-01-20T23:17:00.004+08:00

The lawyer just informed me that soon it will be finalised....I am detaching soon and I will have a new status written on all the forms or check those boxes that says DIVORCEE.

Previously if there is a column that says SEPARATED, I would choose that. Sometimes when the form only have SINGLE or MARRIED....hmmmmm what to fill ??

Anyway..it is just a title given to me at this point of time...what is more important is my life ahead. I choose a LIFE, I choose to LOVE and I choose a good HEALTH.

Am I happy...yes I am, after this 27 months of not knowing what will happen..finally is about to conclude. It may not be the best solution but at least one step at a time to making my life a better one. I certainly hope it will end well.

I am almost there....thank you all for the supports. Good night with metta :)

What a stressful week

2010-01-17T21:52:00.003+08:00

I have just gone through a very stressful week.

It started since last weekend all because of the email from him, then the whole week of managing a meeting follow by the lost of my wallet on Friday.

I must admit that age is catching up and also maybe I haven't been doing this for awhile. Few years back, I have no problem managing travel related events, sleep very little yet full of energy to last the entire duration. This one week away managing on site plus a lot of running around is so tiresome.

Somehow I feel very pressured because of some difficulties and changes made by client. I felt kind of unprepared..but whatever it is, I know I have worked on it and delivered what is best. The result is not as good as I have expected...

The worst was when I lost my wallet on Friday in the middle of a very busy day. It is a full day event that started as early as 6.00am. I only had about 4 hours sleep before that and after the first half of the event, I realised my wallet was not in my bag. I actually panicked and started to look around in the car in fact twice. After about 1 hour later, I decided that I should made a call to cancel all my bank cards. Once that was done...I told myself, they are gone, lets move on and I still have a night event to finish up.

Just as I was so so caught up with the preparation though my heart was not totally focussed, I received a call that my wallet was found in Puchong. No money left as expected..but all my documents were in tact. I felt such a relief but I can't leave to collect it because the event is about to start in less than 2 hours time. Thankfully the event went well and everybody enjoyed the night.

I went to sort out the police report and tt was 12 am and I was so sleepy while making police report. The worst is driving home with my eyes half closed. I could have rammed into some dividers that night. The next morning when I woke up, I heard my maid telling my children "come lets have LUNCH"...oh dear, I slept till noon. The routine for the weekend continued...and picked up my wallet, not very happy to keep the wallet somehow, but happy to see that all documents are there.

The stressful Saturday ended with a nice gathering with my buddies who also came to my rescue because I have no money because no atm card.....We have so much fun from afternoon tea to dinner to supper...hahahaha !

Today, a bit relaxing but still feel very tired and feel like falling sick. Vit C...I need you !

I like to post this video because this is the most hilarious show I watched during the event...! It cheers me up..

I have cried enough.........

2010-01-11T00:12:00.003+08:00

I am in this mood tonight...found this song !

When you fail

2010-01-10T17:46:00.003+08:00

When you fail, do you blame your self or blame others ?

What would be the initial reaction ?? How many of us actually reflect before we make the first accusation ? I know my failure in this marriage and I can only learn from it.

I am having difficulty and I am not sure if there is a need to make any explanation. Two years ago was the most unhappy moments in my life. I went through the hard time emotionally, financially and almost like the whole world was against me. I quit my job, my husband walked out, accused me of disloyal towards his love for me (don't get me wrong, nothing to do with me committing adultery....hahaha), at the end it was me feeling the betrayal when he admitted that he has a new love, loss of income source, he left me with bad debts and I have to cope with life with 3 kids.

Now two years has gone, it is time to make a closure to this relationship. He wanted a divorce and didn't want any custody of the children. And over two years, he hasn't seen the children at all and not even asked about them. He pays for the maintenance while we sort out the divorce. Divorcing a man who is so cruel towards his children's need, should I still talk about the children in my emails to him ? There is nothing to talk other than his financial responsibility towards us. I know him well, he left when he was out of control of his own world and was unable to cope and very lucky of him to find a good accusation towards me to leave the family.

He made a choice to divorce and agreed to the terms, he should bear the responsibility of his action. Since we are almost there to end the marriage, there bound to be some financial discussion involved, and he finally made his most hatred cursed on me...he blamed me for his failure in life, career and everything. He blamed me for not understanding him when he faced tough time which he just left the house and told me he found someone. He blamed me for treating him like a money printing machine...when I married him, he was never a rich man's son, he drove an old junk that broke down easily on the road. I knew he was never a rich but I see the value of him as a hard working young man with great ambition. And now, the blamed is me that destroyed him.

Since the day he wanted a divorce which I accepted it, I have no hatred and anger because I always think it is meant to happen and fated. But now, he seems to vent his anger on me and he still feel that it is my fault. He even threatened me that he will cease communication with me and he could if he wants to stop the maintenance.

It is very very very sad to hear this. I must say it has been awful last night receiving this email just before I went to bed. That is life....and it will only get better and brighter from now onwards. I am determined only to make tomorrow greater than yesterday. The old chapter is about to close...I am glad.

With metta to all :)

Coping with life

2010-01-09T22:22:00.004+08:00

Even though I have gone through more than 2 years of separation, months of working on the divorce, and months of coping with life, getting a life and etc...I realize that coping with my life situation is not as simple as I have thought of.

I thought I have come out from the problem I was in..and I have emerged as a woman who has put every problem behind and moved on. Actually, from day one when I was still very vulnerable and emotional till now, I have only moved on in a more confident way. Everyday I see the changes in myself coping with the family. Maybe this has something to do with self esteem that I had to face while divorcing.

My children is the most important thing in my life and they are with me everyday. I learn to cope with them, their demands and life. Once I thought I could cope well, and now when I reflect I saw myself wasn't really ready and I was a lot more impatient. Now, I see myself a lot more calmer and relax when I am with them.

It is this time of the year that I feel it is a test to me. It is a new start for them and they have new schedule for me to get adjusted to. I need to plan and organise for them and to make time for myself. Previously it was only 2 children attending school, now all 3 are...and it also means that my expenses have gone up.

Life is never easy...just take it easy !

A walk down the memory lanes

2010-01-04T21:13:00.005+08:00

The last day of 2009 I decided to start the spring cleaning. I have been thinking a lot about it months ago but don't know why, just couldn't start it. Finally, I decided that I have to do it because I want a good start for 2010.

The spring cleaning is actually to remove the personal items of my Ex. He left the house 2 years ago and never removed anything. Everything was in its original place for more than 2 years. I am glad that my maid was really helpful. As for me I need to sort out things on behalf of him is not easy. When I look at his personal belongings..I started to think if is necessary to keep still if those items were never touched for 2 years ??

While sorting out the things, I came across some photos. These photos took me down the memory lanes of the time when we were still courting, various trips that we went before we got married and eventually the wedding photos and some photos with the children. I also found some documents while I was planning the wedding including the wedding invitation list and greeting cards from friends who attended our wedding.

So the spring cleaning process is not that easy and it can be emotional if I was still fragile and emotional. It is also good to do it now after 2 years and I no longer feel sour and hurt so badly. If I have done it earlier, I could have done it emotionally.

Now I am happy because I have done a major one and it is also good for CNY preparation. This exercise seems to me like a "revamp" or "reorganising" my life.

Glad I did it :) A new year with a new life for a new ME !

十全十美的祝福

2010-01-01T23:03:00.002+08:00

I received these lovely wishes and thought it is nice to share with all of you here. Hope the same goes to you too, thanks :)

新年恭喜你：
一帆风顺、
二龙腾飞、
三羊开泰、
四季平安、
五福临门、
六六大顺、
七星高照、
八方来财、
九九同心、
十全十美、
百事亨通、
千事吉祥、
万事如意！

New 2010

2010-01-01T00:11:00.004+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! 祝大家新年快乐！

My very first post for 2010..........

I kept the children stayed up just to witness the new year. From our balcony and the windows of the condo, we have many different fireworks to usher the new year. Now I am no longer feeling uneasy but very happy.

Guess what was I doing about 2 hours before the new year ???? I was clearing some old stuff of my ex...I went through boxes and piles of documents and also found lots of photos, as if I have just walked through some memory lanes of our lives together. Our wedding and honey moon photos as well as many photo over the years. I also found a receipt of a hotel stay at some resort that I was never there before......hahahahaa !

It is over...finally the lawyer managed to speak to him and he is sending the documents over by next week. Keeping my fingers crossed :)

The first phone call was to my parents....and I made a long distance call too.

Once again, this is a year with great promises and dreams will come true for all !

Love and metta to all :)

My resolution and things to do for 2010

2009-12-30T13:58:00.005+08:00

Wow...2009 is about to end real soon. I am waiting for the countdown. Somehow inside feeling a bit anxious and uneasy....

We always ask ourselves what have we achieved ? I usually don't measure it to exact, but overall I think my biggest achievement is the mental happiness.

There is lots to do for 2010 and I am sure I am on the right track to achieve some goals in life. I have posted in my facebook for all my friends :

Be innovative, have a positive outlook, make it exciting and happening, review the past quickly, let it stop there and move on to better tomorrow, smile and be happy always, live a contented 2010....dear all, have a merry and happy new year 2010 :)

I need to add more :

Stay focus

Stay healthy

Stay vibrant

Stay in love

Stay spiritually high

Keep well

Keep eating only healthy food

Keep bad habits out

Keep positive vibes

Keep spending low

Keep saving high

Spread happiness

Spread love

Spread no disease

Spread message of peace

and whatever that is good...

Happy New Year to all !!!

With metta :)

Working out again

2009-12-30T09:45:00.004+08:00

For the last two months, I have such busy schedule traveling, work and visitors and also some laziness as an excuse.

I haven't been walking much for the past one month and I feel guilty and over the last two weeks, I have a full house and when a Chinese family is gathered, the best way is to enjoy FOOD. I have since put on some weights...terrible feeling. Somehow I also consoled myself that while I was in London and Paris, I have an enormous amount of walk everyday so that is not so bad after all.

Today, I decided to continue my regular workout, did a 40 minutes walk. Feel so good really. It is going to be more for next year, I want to have a healthy and fit body. I am not fat but just need to trim it. It is my resolution.

I am feeling 2010 is going to be great...surely it will in many ways ! I hope the same for all, stay happy, smile more, keep well and work smart :)

A memorable family reunion 2009

2009-12-28T13:57:00.004+08:00

A great family reunion just ended today and my entire family has gone back. We had a good 10 days together, eating and meeting up with other cousins in KL. This gathering is only once every two years where everyone are gathered.

This year we choose to go to Pangkor Island. We stayed at a privately owned home called Tiger Rock. It is not a resort nor a hotel and it is a home that made our stay and family reunion even more memorable. It is almost back to basic living in the wild feeling, the entire home is built in the forest with some basic amenities.

Even though it is only four days at TR, we had really good time being a complete family especially for my parents. They are so happy seeing the grand children playing together. The host at the home Mohan and his team were really good. We had the most attention and we were well fed as well that I think I have put on some weights after this 10 days get together.

I can't remember if I have ever went to a picnic with my sisters and parents. And we did it with our children, swam in the sea, ride on the thrilling flying fish with my son and nephew was great. Mohan even prepared picnic lunch for us and what a life I must say. It is pampering.

We sat together in the evening enjoying some wines and champagne with foie gras as hors d'oeuvre. On Christmas night, we were served a lovely Christmas dinner while listening to Christmas songs and kids having party favors to make the night more merrier. We didn't have any presents that night as we had the opening of presents done before we left. We have at least 50 presents that night for 12 peoples..however they are mostly for the kids.

It has been a good 10 days spending with my parents and sisters. I realise as I get older, times like this are always very precious, not easy to live together again though as we have our own life. I only have my family and it is a blessing to have such great people around me.

Parents are getting old and I hope we can have more family get together...and I know this is their wish. I know it is not easy...but I am glad we made it :)

First Introduction

2009-12-16T00:35:00.006+08:00

I just feel like posting what I have experienced when I first arrived in London and Paris. I feel it is a great way to remember about the trip.

The very first impression I have when I arrived in London was the introduction of the subway (tubes). I heard of the mass subway system in London...honestly I don't know the fare...hahaha ! Maybe I don't need to know because I have a preloaded card and even when the value was getting low, he topped it up for me...a little pampered.

The very first station introduced was Tower Hill. That is where I go from there...I survived and I managed to get from one place to the other. My very first radio station was the magic.co.uk...unfortunately can't listen on internet. Great combination of songs of yesteryears..

To survive in a foreign place, the next thing was to know the supermarket. So I was introduced to Waitrose...I like this supermarket. The first time on my own, I went to buy some stuff for the house.

I was shown around the house...arriving in winter, I need to know the heating system, otherwise I can't imagine I will be freeze to death...hahaha!

The first countryside is Oxfordshire and Cheltenham. A very comfortable drive with great scenery along the way just about 2 hours drive from London.

When we arrived in Paris, my first walk was to Champ Elysees. We had the most comfortable and romantic walk. The first sight as I stepped out from the hotel was the Tuileres and a view of the Eiffel Tower and the Lovres from a distance. Last but not least...the food and drink.

I caught myself in the rain too for the first time in London....

Telling the truth

2009-12-13T23:47:00.003+08:00

It is more than 2 years now that I have officially separated from my husband, and the divorce on its way though I don't know when will it end. I have gotten used to the status of a single mom with 3 kids and I have no longer hide this truth.

But when it comes to family, my mother is reluctant to reveal the actual truth to certain friends. I don't know why she kept it away from my god father. Is this an ego issue ? My mom has 3 married daughters who have gone through the same fate. This is probably why she rather kept it unannounced.

I feel stressed over things like this. I have stand tall on my feet with my current situation, I have no fear to face the society and friends, but I have to hide from someone closed to me.

Life goes on, how long can I hide or not talk about it ? The truth is the marriage has ended. It is now under separation and divorce is on its way, and kids have live a life without a father for the past 2 years. The truth is I am holding on to the family as a single mom, the kids no longer asked for their father, they do not care for him.

I am tired...so tired that I wish I can make the situation clearer..

So lonely

2009-12-10T22:53:00.002+08:00

I had just returned from a great vacation, to places that I have always wanted to and I went without the kids, it is like a breather for me. The 10 days away has been great and challenging too, it is not easy to get into one's life and get adjusted immediately. When we are on vacation, it is a different experience as we are relaxed. But when one has a routine and work, it will take some efforts for both.

Now that I am back and started to work immediately, I hadn't had time to recover from the traveling and it is quite tiring actually. On top of that, I miss my children who are away at my hometown. They are having great time as always...

While I am so lonely coming home every night into a "quiet home", I wonder they would think of me too. My daughter called me she said, Mom, the TV said Kuala Lumpur will have shower and thunder...please be careful.

I miss them....they are what I am missing most of the time.

Wonderful vacation

2009-12-07T22:49:00.003+08:00

I have been quiet for the past 2 weeks...wondering what happened ??

Nothing happened...I was away for a vacation to London and Paris. The trip is also to celebrate my birthday with someone special. I have traveled around the world and visited many countries except these two cities. Finally my dream came true in a very special way.

Walking around in Paris in cold and wet condition and occasional sunny days is an unforgettable experience for me. Paris is awesome and beautiful and the better word to describe is "Romantic". We stayed at The Westin Paris which is located at one of the best address, takes us not more than 20 minutes from one place to the other. Across the river, I visited my sister who lives just about 25 minutes walk from the hotel.

Met my lovely nephew who has grown up to be a handsome big boy, spent some time with my family in Paris was great. We had the best Parisian food and wines with the best company of friends and relative.

After four days in Paris, it is time to return to London for the rest of my vacation. London has always been unpredictable with its weather...sunny and wet and drizzle and shower, all in one day. I walked around the city and occasionally traveled in tube to see the city has been a great experience and fun. London is just different and it is so cosmopolitan..and someone approached me to ask for direction in London....hahahaha!

There was no big party for me on my birthday which I am not unhappy about...simply because it is to be there with the right person that matters.

Life has been great...I appreciate it very much.

My birthday

2009-11-24T23:05:00.006+08:00

My birthday is just around the corner and this year I will be away from home. My thoughtful daughter knew that I will not be celebrating with them and felt sad about it. Therefore, she kinda planned this advance celebration with my sister. So sweet of her. She even planned that I should go away during dinner that allows her time to get me a birthday cake....hahahaha !

It was a simple Chinese dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in One U. I ordered Mee Sua which is a dish that traditionally symbolizes longevity...as I am getting older, I also believe in traditions and culture...

My sweetie girl even thought of what kind of gift to get for me...how can I not love them ! Guess what...the lovely present is a kiss from her.

Thank you my precious..

Life after two years

2009-11-18T20:19:00.006+08:00

Past few weeks have been exhausted and tiring. I traveled so much that I can feel the body is rejecting and I feel depriving from sleep. More traveling coming soon..not complaining because I chose to let it happen.

I feel so sorry for my children that I have been away from home, I have no choice at times work requires me to travel. I guess this is all about life.

Few days ago when I came back from trip, I saw my ex driving in town. I felt uncomfortable because I feel bad and sad that I left the kids with the maid where he could have spend sometime with the children. Sadly he didn't want to be associated with the children and it is now more than 2 years.

This is one of the hardest thing for me being 100% single mom with 100% responsibility of the children. I miss them and when I get home, they drive me crazy.

Whenever I look back what happened two years ago, I remember I was down, I was weak and emotional. I often asked why it has to happen ? Why it has to be me? The future is bleak, blur and I was confused. Then I come to accept the problem and now I feel whatever has to happen, has happened and I just have to live with it. My girl friend met him recently and told me he has put on weight, I am glad he is taking care of himself well. He met his love of his life (that is how he wrote to me...was hurtful reading it then) and I take it as a blessing that someone is there for him when his life is turning towards the worst time. I know I have suffered and hurt too by accepting this fact.

It is now more than 2 years..there is no more what if and why questions. I have let go of the thought. That part of my life was the worst I have ever experienced. Perhaps that is the path that I need to go beyond. I told myself, it can only get better and better. I am seeing progress and there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I am seeing it gradually.

I read this and it is very motivating "All you can do is give your best effort until bedtime. Let tomorrow take care of itself"

Meditation Progress

2009-11-11T17:12:00.002+08:00

It was a tiring day for me due to lack of sleep the night before. I still made it to the class because I had missed the week before due to extensive traveling lately. While waiting for the class to begin, I felt very sleepy and there is Sis Jin who offered a hot drink for me. And she suggested that I should do walking meditation instead..so I started walking meditation officially last night.

I feel good and it keeps my concentration better. Every movement is being observed and focussed even while standing. I think I will continue with more walking meditation.

I have been practising meditation and I find it is all about self realization. We have books to read about how meditation works for us, but it is all about our own experience. Something that I have learnt, in life we will win and we will also lose, but whatever the outcome, we have to be prepared for it. If we prepare to gamble, we should be prepared to lose. We can win and we can also afford to lose, and that is something we constantly reminding ourselves.

When we are happy, do not get overjoyed and forgotten what the reality is, and when we are sad, do not let the sorrow drag us too long. It is about us understanding equanimity, a balance of mind. I believe when one suffers badly, and when it hit the bottom, it is also the time to bounce up again.

The best is to stay neutral and practise stable and evenness of mind. When we face unpleasant situation, do not let the perception affect our thought that leads to our action or speech. It is best to be mindful in reacting to life situation.

I reflected at one scenario, and I felt I have overacted and I feel sorry. It is just my perception that it was wrong. That is the good thing of being mindful...

Just my thoughts for the day :)

Phase of life

2009-11-09T20:08:00.006+08:00

I don't know what to write..it has been great but it is hard to express.

At times I don't believe what I am going through now, it is almost like I never expected it would be, but it has been going well. Life is turning towards positive side.

This phase of life is something I once lost or it has never been felt before. It is just great and I truly appreciate it very much. Nothing is permanent but at this moment, I just want to enjoy it and embrace it and I hope this stays. Life is very strange, at different stage, we experience differently. Few months ago, life seems to be in the darkest moment and little I have expected it to be totally afresh and exciting experience.

All I know is I have an exciting life ahead of me and it will be great and filled with love and joy, love for my children and people around me. Am I a changed person ?? Perhaps yes, a person who is more confidence now, have strong spiritual guidance towards life, knows what life has to be, face it and live it to the best.

Am I happy ? Perhaps yes, I am feeling the serenity and calmness and that is happiness to me.

I only want to say...thank you for being here for me.

Used vs. Loved

2009-11-05T15:00:00.001+08:00

I received this email and find this a good reminder to us...I reflected and it is useful...

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....
with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions......
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today's world is
that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.
I hope you have a good day no matter what problems you may face
it's the only day you'll have before it's over.

My Amazing Thailand Trip

2009-11-04T16:17:00.010+08:00

Amazing Thailand ~ truly one amazing trip for the last 7 days.

Initially I was a bit reluctant to go especially when I knew it is a 7 days trip..The impression is that 7 days in Thailand would definitely be bored. Nevertheless, I went on as planned, it is a hosted trip by Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT). A trip to introduce the Amazing Thailand and its many wonders in Thailand.

We went to a few provinces namely Ratchaburi, Phetchaburi and Chachoengsao. If you are familiar with the Damnoen Saduak Floating Market, that is located at Ratchaburi, and if you know where is Hua Hin, it is near Phetchaburi and Chachoengsao is about 80km from Bangkok city towards the East.

The first night, we went for a large scale show with 2000 seating capacity called Siam Niramit. It has a good entertainment value and well organised too.

The following day, we began our traveling on coach to various provinces, firstly we visited a factory outlet for interior and home linens. We did 7 wonders in one day which includes visiting soft toy factory, a privately owned park that preserved the culture and history of Thailand, candle factory, hot spring and lovely boutique resort with only limited number of villa at Suan Phung. This small town is located at the border of Myanmar and it was naturally rich in mineral previously. Now the township is turned into exclusive resort for the local Thai. Each villa can go as high as RM500 per room per night and is fully booked every weekend.

Our journey continued with a visit to Cha Am, another small town where it is not highly populated and located about 30 mins from Hua Hin another busy resort city similarly to Krabi and Phuket. A place that you can find Starbucks and other franchise outlet. The trip is never complete without Thai massage and I had one at Cha Am. The hotel we stayed is called Tara Mantra which is 3 mins walk to the beach front. This is one of the best in Cha Am with only 88 rooms and a very modern design infinity pool that comes in 3 levels.

We continue our journey back to Bangkok, our trip has added excitement and thrill when we narrowly escaped an accident with a truck. We were all screaming and thankfully the coach stopped in time. Enroute, this is the place for those who loves local Thai cookies, dried pork, candies, dried fruit and etc. The Thais are so creative in designing that one will not want to eat it.. simply happy looking at it. We had simple meal like "mixed rice" what the local eats...yummy. We also tasted the local "O liang" meaning black coffee and fried banana.

We got back to Bangkok on Halloween Day and we were hosted a buffet dinner at Siam City Hotel and the buffet spread was creatively decorated with Halloween deco and scary looking bloody eye balls...We had a good get-together and know each other night, a very happy evening. A visit to Bangkok is not complete again without a visit to Four Face Buddha. We went for prayers and asked for blessing for another great year ahead. This place is forever crowded and never short of people. In fact, we went to so many temples and had many blessing...I am sure life ahead will be good and blessed.

On Sunday morning, about 150 tourism friends attended a product updates for Thailand. It was good to know what Amazing Thailand has to offer and its 7 wonders. A very nice video presentation that promotes everyone must have "once a life time visit to Thailand".

Thai food is something we are not unfamiliar at all, yet we are never tired of Tom Yam every meal. In Hua Hin, we had the best seafood, everything was so fresh but EXTREMELY spicy. We were introduced a must try "Khao Man Kai" means "Chicken Rice" which operates 24 hours near Pratunam area. It was good and nicely fragrance, and not too oily. Last but not least, the mango with glutinous rice....delicious.

The other thing that we couldn't resist is the shopping temptation surrounding our hotel at Pratunam area. Pratunam is a wholesale market for fashion and a lot of clothes that you see in small boutiques are actually from this market. If you wish to enjoy lower price like savings of RM5-RM10 per piece, you need to buy 3 pieces and above.

One of my favourite visits for the past 7 days was a visit to Chachoengsao, we took a boat cruise (Bang Bakong River) and we stopped at the restaurant by the river for lunch. The lunch was by the river bank...sort of like a floating style and what amazes me was the 100 years ago market. The original condition of the shops and its original wooden structures are conserved still. As we walk passing the small market, we stopped by to see the local making "Kratong" for loy kratong festival. We took part as well in the evening, walking in jam packed street towards the Chao Phraya River where we let go of our kratong. There are many version of the festival and for us it is to take a way our bad lucks with the kratong. The kratong came in many sizes and priced differently too and again the Thais showed off their creativity and I am impressed.

The trip has come to the end where we have a few hours of last minute shopping before we visit our local agent and the tiger breeding farm. We had a chance to cuddle the 2 months old cub and another round of mango glutinous rice and an irresistible brownies from Imperial Queens Park Hotel

The trip ended with lots of great memories and met a few new friends from the industry. We exchanged ideas, so it was an event to create and share great experience.

I miss my blog

2009-11-03T23:18:00.003+08:00

I have been away for the past one week traveling around Thailand. And this trip somehow, I decided to travel without my laptop and I find so much inconvenience without one.

Work wise I felt handicapped and I depended on my mobile, and I can't really blog much too..and I regret not taking with me. Each day on the road, there is so much to write about the journey.

Now I am home but can't remember all the fun and have them posted on the blog.

I am too tired to post tonight...shall try tomorrow !

Last Chance Harvey

2009-10-25T14:49:00.003+08:00

I just watched Last Chance Harvey acted by Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. By body size comparison, both of them do not complement each other but acting wise, they are both award winners. So no doubt, they are both good at it and I enjoyed the show.

The story line is kind of expected and watching this show brings back some memories. How you met someone unexpectedly, how one sealed the first kiss, the failed marriage and etc.

Life journey never stop until your last breathe. It takes us up and takes us far, it can be beautiful, ugly, funny and sad. It is all about how much we are willing to stretch, to reach and to be in it. I remember taking a scenic route in North India, the wild flowers aligned on two sides of the uneven road, but unexpectedly was the scents of the roses. Life is just the same, what you least expect from a wild rugged country side, the worst road condition, some surprises came and the goodness stays forever.

Just wanna post this...my wonderful life experience.

A Wife and A Lover

2009-10-22T18:52:00.003+08:00

My childhood friend told me he is planning his 10th anniversary with his wife about one month ago. He asked me for advice where to go, he has in mind either Bali or Bangkok. Finally he decided to go to Bangkok.

They are moving into a new house soon which mean renovation is on going. Why do I have to mention this ? He shared with me about the 2nd honeymoon trip almost one month ago, and yet they had only made decision to go this week. The point is that, he said his wife nagged about moving into new house that requires a lot of time, and going to Bangkok is really nothing for her. When he told me that, I paused his conversation, and I said

"Why must we (women) nagged or never appreciative or contented?" He said "you also think so!"

I didn't mean to criticize women in general, but I have been through what is the taste of a broken marriage and unhappy relationship, I may have been in such condition too without realising. Now it seems like the actual realization of life...hahaha. I will never complain about it if my husband has this great plan for us to spend short vacation together. Be appreciative..

I feel if the wife's reply is like.."great darling, let us sort out the house and we go for a great time in Bangkok". I told him two years ago, it was my 10th anniversary and I planned the trip and done whatever needed. My husband will only fly...maybe it is because I work for the travel industry, so planning and organising has always been my task.

So what about a lover ? On the other hand he told me his friend who has a lover/partner and whenever he asked her to travel, she will just pack and go. Actually I would do the same too, may not be as flexible but I will do whatever I can. I will look forward to the chance to be together so much.

Hence, why is there a different ? Lover or wife are both women....hahahaha!

我是有故事的人

2009-10-20T12:49:00.006+08:00

During my recent trip to Shanghai, I walked by some window displays and one that caught my attention was the Story of Shanghai..上海故事, 一个有故事的人！ Everyone has a story. Different stages in life, childhood, teenage, hardship, good time, happiest moment, family and working days.

I do have a story and I always think my story is pretty interesting. I have never thought of how my life story should be written. It happened and it became a new episode or chapter. When you put the experience together, it has 酸甜苦辣， it can be challenging and unprepared, most importantly I walk into it, embrace it and gain an insight and to face them with courage and only be stronger day by day.

I have a story / life that I think is extraordinary compares to my circle of friends. That again my life is not all sad though...hahahaha!

Wherever my life has taken me this far, it has changed me and only to make me a better person. I will work towards it..

A fruitful trip to Shanghai

2009-10-19T15:54:00.009+08:00

I was away last week to Shanghai. It was a working trip and very challenging and exciting trip. I went with a very heavy responsibility and that is to assist my client to bid as the next host in 2012. I have worked on this project since May and finally the big day has arrived. My boss decided that we should go ahead to support our 'potential' client at our own expense. It has been a great exposure and experience for me.

On the day of arrival, I had to work around the site, getting our selves registered and thankfully the cooperation from the local organiser was excellent. We had our table set up and ready for the war and our opponent is from India.

The next day was the presentation day, and we worked around the council members and lobby for their support. I guess it must the occupation habits, I am so used to inspecting the venue prior to meeting, and to my surprise the venue was not properly set up for presentation. The local organiser - Kevin gladly organised promptly.

The presentation started and I missed half the session due to 'ad hoc' errants requested by the council members. Both countries presented and the voting was held the following day. I was a 'self appointed' secretariat for the organisation, preparing balloting papers, signages and etc...

It was all worth it..I am happy to do it. The voting session started and I counted the votes with lots of excitement and daunting too. Finally..Malaysia won 11 over 6. Now, I have to work on getting the local organiser to appoint my service for the next 3 years. This is the tough part but I am confident..my hard work and dedication will not be left unknown.

A visit to China is never complete without a good massage for my weary feet and body. In the past, I alway traveled in group whereby I have a local guide or even transportation always on standby for me, however this trip is different. I took the metro and it was fun. The massage and foot reflexology was great and should have one more round before I left.

After 3 nights at Sofitel Pudong, I had to check out due to cost saving, I checked in at my sister's apartment in Puxi area. Conveniently located for shopping and food along Huai Hai Zhong Lu. I survived and had good time wandering around the area. A few things that caught my curious self...the trend for the youngsters is to wear big plastic frame without the lens. Cute la and Shanghainese are very open showing their public affections. One very touching moment I saw was a man ran across the road to give a bottle of water and some cakes to this old lady who was busy picking up empty thrash from the rubbish bin. I heard him said "给你吃“ he doesn't sound like he is local....what matters most is he has a kind heart.

The other thing that I enjoyed most was the revisit to hotel and places that I have been before. I recalled those good memories I had with my other group and colleagues. Good times are hard to find, best is cherish every experience that comes to us.

Overall...a good and rewarding trip !

Make you feel my love

2009-10-09T21:26:00.004+08:00

I have been really busy the past few days. I am totally exhausted at the end of the day and I haven't had much thought about what to write.

I watched a video that a friend posted on facebook, it is about the eulogy and what the wife has to say about her beloved husband during the funeral. It is a very touching video, it is about what she misses now that he is gone. It is about the imperfection that perfect their relationship. The person who sleeps next to us may snore, we may feel agitated because it disrupted our peaceful night.

It is when the closest person in our life left us..that is when we realise we are all imperfect by nature. We begin to miss those little grouses that we used to share.

We are never perfect and the relationship can only get better through sharing and giving. Just appreciate what we have and cherish them. I just want to make you feel my love.

I like to share with you something nice that was posted by my friend on her facebook..

知足是幸福的起点,幸福是每个人都希望得到的,虽然财富,健康,名位,权势都是一般人所喜爱的, 但这些并不等于幸福,幸福的真谛是"平安就是福".一个懂得知足,惜福的人,当遭逢逆境时不会抱怨,在一帆风顺时则懂得感谢,无论何时何地都感到心满意足,才是个真正幸福的人. 切记,"命终时有终须有,命中无时莫强求"

Haven't met you yet

2009-10-06T17:21:00.001+08:00

A new song from Michael Buble...lively and nice !

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Get So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Get So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Client is happy, I am Happy too

2009-10-03T23:50:00.007+08:00

Today is the mid autumn day and it is largely celebrated by families as another reunion other than the Chinese New Year Eve. Many large families do make it a big affairs and I have been receiving many messages wishing each other. I even received a few from friends in China. So nice of them to remember me.

However, today I couldn't be with my kids to celebrate this occasion. I have to work and it is a full day event. It is another product launch cum symposium and this client was initial not very easy to deal with, but thankfully when I took over, somehow the client was happy with my suggestion and tonight the event finally took place and everything went extremely well.

The gymnast was great and they blended well into the evening theme, however the magician was a bit boring initially except for the last part a little exceptional.

Overall, I am very tired but I am happy as the client came to me and said...thank you very much, everything went well and it is a great show. While listening to her compliments, I felt so pleased..thank you.

My day started very early this morning, I took the children for breakfast as I knew I can't be with them the entire day. But I guess it is all worth it..I have planned something with the children tomorrow - a visit to the bookshop to compensate them.

Joke for the day

2009-10-02T22:46:00.005+08:00

Sharing with you some laughter !

I was in the hair salon, I could see my grey hairs at the back and it is rather noticeable when the stylish lift them up. So I told him, no matter how many times I coloured my hair, it won't help much, so I decided not to colour them if possible. So he said, why worry, this is hi-light for the year!

Another friend chatted with me and want to share a joke with me..while waiting for his joke, he just typed hehehe...then I said where is the joke ? He said, I thought about it and not so funny anymore.. hahahaha. I told him, this is the best joke !

Today is first Friday in October, which is also a World Smile Day, I hope my two jokes had made you smile.

Nothing is ever perfect, it only gets better

2009-10-02T00:05:00.003+08:00

I was attending a talk this evening and this phrase was mentioned. It caught my attention so deeply that I had it written on my facebook immediately before I forget.

Nothing is ever perfect, it only gets better!

I totally agree, sometimes when I am unhappy, I wish it could be perfect like I wish it to be, but then in reality it can only get better. At work, I find it hard to find the environment that I would say I am happy, at the end, I realised that I can only put in some effort to improve the atmosphere better.

While I am organising an event, we evaluate the event when it ends, and I have never used "It is perfect" as I know there is always room "to make it better".

It is the same for me and my children, I see some kids doing so well in school, scored high marks, and when I look at my children, they are just average, I felt have I not done my duty as a mother diligently ? And I may put more pressure on them to make them as "perfect" as I wished for, but again, it is not possible, it only gets better.

Many of us are never contented in life, because we have high expectation to be nearly perfect, and again I must say the last 24 months, has been a turning point in my life, a life full of challenges. From where I fall, I pick myself up, from the emotional suffering that I went through, I can only make it better now with a more calmer and relax mind. It is never perfect yet though, but it will get better. Now I live to be not perfect but I only wish for my life to get better.

I hope with this quote, it is an aspiration to live the best and only to make it even better.

With metta to all !

Friends in the Dhamma

2009-09-30T00:02:00.006+08:00

Today's meditation class is a special one as we celebrated our teacher's Bro James's birthday.

The evening started with a special blessing puja (prayer) and we continue with the meditation. At the end of the class, we sang him a birthday song..not the usual one but a Buddhism version..so sweet.

I have been meditating for more than 1 year and all this while, I attend as a loner, I don't normally talk to a lot of them except for one or two, of course not because I am arrogant but I am still consider a new comer, I do greet everyone with a smile whenever we meet. Tonight it is an exceptional night for me. Sister Jean who has been a meditators for years, came forward to ask me if I have offered the teacher a drink before, I said to her "No" and she said you will do it this round.

I feel very privilege and grateful to do this "noble" thing. Today is our teacher's birthday and on this special day I had been given this important assignment to offer a drink to our teacher. Our teacher has been guiding us for many years and not being paid a small token before. He voluntarily offered his dhamma sharing with us, and I am one of the benefited one, who has found some lights in life from darkness, and I am sure there are many who are like me.

After the class, I was invited to join them for supper and I felt I am part of this family and a step closer to knowing fellow meditators. We shared our experiences on meditation. In our class, there is this gentleman whom started a few months ago, I remember vividly those question that he asked and sadly he always seem lost when the teacher replied him. Tonight his question was, after he started to meditate, he is more generous in giving dana, but he is not sure if people is taking advantage of his good deed. The reply from the teacher was, when you give, you will give sincerely and full heartedly. You need not border to know if the other person is taking advantage. If the other person is taking advantage, that is his karma of wrong doing, but if he is consciously calculative of his generosity, that is his karma of ill thinking.

All of us seems to understand this principle very clearly, we do not ask for any return in favour of dana..and again I see him lost in the answer. I sincerely hope this new brother in the dhamma will have more wisdom and enlightenment soon.

Tonight is a great night, I had joy in meditation and it is the spiritual joy that makes one's life better, (calmness in mind) then comes the worldly (sensual) joy.

Sadhu sadhu sadhu.

With metta :)

When it happens..

2009-09-27T23:19:00.007+08:00

I was thinking about many incidents in life and the coincidences.

It is like, if there is this, it might be that...

Some friends told me that I have been on vacation quite a bit, actually it is not true. Most of the trips were working and of course a few were personal vacation.

And my question is related to all my vacation. I won lucky draw for free accommodation in Kota Kinabalu and I paid a very nominal price to my colleague for additional 2 nights to make my stay worthwhile. On top of that my air ticket was partly sponsored by Air Asia due to the long delay that we experienced, so that is how I made my vacation to KK possible.

First time on a personal vacation, I thought there is always the first time, and I had to go during weekday, so didn't invite any friend to come along. And because of I was alone, I met a few friends. So in conclusion, the trip was worthwhile and truly rewarding...

Next was my vacation to Macau, it was also a free package that I won during the road show and because of the KK trip, I offered to a friend to accompany me and the Macau trip was another wonderful thing in life.

So, I was just thinking out loud, when it happens, the effect continues and whether is good or bad, there is always the cause and effect in life. On the opposite, if I have not attended the quiz session, I wouldn't have won the free night stay, if the flight has not delayed, I wouldn't have the voucher from Air Asia, and if I have not got to KK, I would have missed out something in life and if I have not won the free package to Macau..etc!

Actually I am not sure if this thinking is right..but I do believe everything has to happen for a reason..for that just accept the consequences and enjoy what comes along in life.

Boring

2009-09-26T23:58:00.008+08:00

What a title for the post...

Actually I had busy day, brought the children to attend birthday party and in between had to make a trip to airport and back to be with the kids and watched them having great time.

I woke up early this morning and I should go to bed together with my little baby a moment ago, somehow, my tired body is against my will to sleep. I just spent the last two hours playing game, surfing the net..and thinking of someone..hahaha. Probably this is the missing part..I am missing someone.

I was afraid to sleep too early and I will wake up very early in the morning. My weekend has always been like this actually not much of activities, perhaps for the last 10 days, my sister was around and I was away with the children so it was busy then and that makes the different. Today, I suddenly find the house very quiet and I felt bored.

Yes, I miss someone. I am glad there is always something to look forward to in life, otherwise the life will be boring and less exciting. Hopefully this feeling will stay forever.

It has been awhile since I last posted a song..I heard this song while I was on holiday in Hong Kong.

Good night and wish you a sweet dream !

Numerology

2009-09-23T21:13:00.004+08:00

I have this interesting article from my regular newsletter...something to share for your reading pleasure ! See if they are accurate :)

The day of the month that you were born on could be significant as it determines what type of job you might best be suited to do. This is because in some folk forms of numerology the digits of the day you were born are said to symbolize the tools and talents that you were born with in life.

So -

One. If you were born on the first day of the month, then you must be the center of attention so being a politician; public speaker, actor or performer best suits you. You are also a born leader.

Two. If you were born on the second day of the month you relate to people more emotionally than cerebrally and would make a good psychologist, counselor or sales clerk.

Three. If you were born on the third day of the month then you are tolerant of others and like the spotlight. You make a good teacher, theologian or performer.

Four, if you were born on the fourth day of the month you are energetic and have a good design sense. You make a good house builder or gardener.

Five. Those born on the fifth have inquisitive minds and make good scientists, teachers and computer experts. A job that combines technology with travel is perfect (such as a pilot.)

Six. You are pleasant, know what to say and would make a good advisor, consultant or nurse.

Seven. You have high ideals and are very precise. You make a good novelist, scientist or chemist.

Eight. If you were born on the eighth day you are good with money and are suited to business. You would make a good banker or builder.

Nine. Those born on the ninth of the month are independent spirits who make good counselors, spiritual advisors and healers.

Ten. Those born on the tenth are intense, political and natural born leaders. You make a good executive, doctor or quality control inspector.

Eleven. These individuals are sensitive to the needs to others. They make great teachers and counselors.

Twelve. Those born on the twelfth of the month tend to be consultants or fix it type people. It is characteristic for them to finish up the undone projects of others. They are good at mediating and sales.

Thirteen. You are a super salesperson who has both charisma and leadership abilities. You excel at architecture, designing infrastructures, politics and screenwriting.

Fourteen. If you were born on the fourteenth you have a methodical way of working that makes you a good contractor, manager or secretary.

Fifteen. This is the number of diplomacy and also denotes a person who will speak several languages. You make a good banker, diplomat or translator.

Sixteen. This is an idealistic number and you make a good social worker. You are also suited to shipping, fishing or working in hospitality.

Seventeen. You love education and would make a good professor. You are also a good counselor or psychiatrist. Fame as a writer is indicated.

Eighteen. You are good at project planning and management. You can thrive in any corporate environment. Construction and design are also possibilities.

Nineteen. You are egotistical and forward-looking. Information technology interests you but you could also be a good spiritual counselor.

Twenty. You are a natural homemaker and would do well as a nurse, caregiver or cleaning person.

Twenty-one. You are a master of speculation and organization and would do well in the financial or publishing industries.

Twenty-two. You are intuitive and scientific at the same time and would make an amazing nurse, doctor, counselor or architect

Twenty-three If you were born on the twenty-third day of the month, you are a very analytical person who can mediate or faceplate anything. You would make a good accountant.

Twenty-four. You are good at understanding what makes people tick and would be well suited to a career as a lawyer, paralegal, executive or psychologist.

Twenty-five. If you were born on the twenty-fifth day of the month, there is a very spiritual side to your nature, which makes you a good advisor, counselor or healer.

Twenty-six. If you are a hard worker with exceptional organizational skills and would excel in a supervisory or
management capacity of any kind.

Twenty-seven. If you were born on the twenty seventh day of the month, you are mercurial, intelligent yet quite eccentric. You are suited to science, telecommunications and working on your own.

Twenty-eight. You are very creative and egotistical. You also love to travel. You would do well working in the tourist industry. Working with animals also suits you.

Twenty-nine. You are a very caring individual and would do well in any medical field. You would also make a good physical trainer or physiotherapist.

Thirty. You are chatty, charismatic and have a lot of natural talent. You are suited to radio, television, writing or shining as an athlete or inventor.

Thirty-one. You are a true leader and quietly strong and confident. You are precise and would make a great researcher, scientist or explorer of some kind. You are also an excellent entrepreneur and others will willingly by from you or follow you.

A step closer to divorce

2009-09-23T18:31:00.005+08:00

I went to see the lawyer to go through the documents once again.

Apparently the document that I have are outdated...don't really know how do they work !

Something in life has to happen, have to go through, face it and accept the consequences. Seating at the office, going through each page of the petition, Deed of trust and etc..I am not sure if they are all for my benefits..hahaha. Some friends told me nothing is guarantee, in most cases, after a few months or years if lucky, he might stop paying the maintenance, defaulting the agreement. What shall I do ? There is really nothing I can do about it. If it is really bad which I pray I will have amicable divorce, then only I decide what is next step.

I don't want to think that far, as of now, he is fulfilling his commitment which is something very important to me that I feel I am lucky and blessed to have him as a man who stays to his words. Despite what both of us have gone through, it is never easy for us.

There is nothing much I can do for him, I don't want to interfere into his life as I don't have the right to and I wish him well, happy and safe.

The last thing I want is to affect is my children. I want them to live their childhood the way other perfect family do. I know it will not be the same, at least my thoughts are strong.

The last vacation we had was a good one, I appreciate my sister who had accompanied me and lessen my load to look after them. Seeing the children and their own characters... mischievous, funny and everything about them, they made my day :)

Happy moments

2009-09-21T23:00:00.005+08:00

I just spent two quality days with my children..

We decided to stay away from home during this long break, and instead of traveling further to South or North, it was just a short trip away @ Putrajaya Shangri-la. The hotel is quiet and the pool is almost ours...

When we first checked in..heavy rain and I was very disappointed as our plan to be by the pool to celebrate Joelle's birthday will not be possible. Thankfully the sun came back after 30 minutes and we couldn't waste any more time, head straight to the pool. We have late lunch by the pool and lots of great fun.

This is not my first trip to Putrajaya, but always for work and never stayed there later than 5 pm, and this time I drove around and surprisingly, the feeling is great. I didn't feel as if I was in KL or near KL. It is a city by itself very distinctive feature, different landscape, architecture and road as compared to where we live.

We had dinner at the famous Putrajaya Seafood Restaurant which is right across our hotel at the Taman Botanic, the food is just average and not value for money though!

This morning, we explored one of the many parks in the city. I realise the park in front of the hotel is actually just across the PM's office..if only you have a house across the street, you can walk to work. The park is nicely landscape but lack the maintenance especially the ponds and fountain sadly.

We spent another 2 hours by the pool just before we checked out, everyone had great time. It is all worth it..a great family outing.

2009 2009

2009-09-20T23:10:00.001+08:00

A day to remember ~ 7 years ago I delivered my eldest daughter and today we are home away at Putrajaya Shangri la to celebrate her birthday ! It is a special day for all of us and we had so much fun and good time.

This post is done using mobile so it is a short one without all the lovely photos.

Hometown friends

2009-09-19T09:48:00.004+08:00

Last night after a long while we had another get together.

It was at the happening place in Jaya One. We wanted to be at The Brussels ~ really happening place but at 5.30 pm, the place is already full despite heavy rain in the evening. Can you believe it ??? So we settled for The Monkeys...a name well suited for us...hahhaha!

The gathering was great, seeing friends whom we have not met for a long time. Two have recently been promoted to be fathers and one came all the way from hometown.

As usual in our gathering with hometown mates..it won't be complete without reminiscing good times back to school days, the facebook talk, the latest hobbiesm, sharing of recipes (for the ladies la) and most importantly our home made delicacies.

Next we plan to organise a pot luck and this will be only Kelantanese delicacies only....I am very excited about this gathering, now is to decide where to meet !!

Good to see old friends....thanks for making it last night !

May all be happy, peaceful and safe, with metta !

The Path to Liberation

2009-09-13T22:28:00.006+08:00

This afternoon I reorganized my routine for the children as I have to attend the Dhammapada course ~ The Path to Liberation. This is sort of like bridging the inspirational and faith in me and ultimately more wisdom through Dhamma.

I remember early August, I received an email from my Dhamma sisters from the meditation class. It is an invitation to register for this course and I immediately replied the email and Sis GG replied instantly that my registration is accepted. 3 weeks after when I was away during my vacation recently, I didn't check my email and when I got home, I received the bad news about Sis GG has passed away while she was traveling in Ladakh, a trip that she looked forward to so much.

Today, our lecturer Dr. Tan HS paid tribute to Sis GG for instrumented this course, and my heartfelt thank for these volunteers for putting up such activities. I am how much I have benefited from it. The course is actually understanding the dhammapada ~ best known and most loved of Buddhist text. They are beautifully written poetry from the Buddha's teaching.

My first encounter is few months back where I know I need to have a copy of this. Today, Brother Tan shared with us the path to liberation which means, the path to nibbana (enlightenment). As a Buddhist, we seek enlightenment and end the cycle of suffering. As long as there is rebirth there will be death. Our mind is what control our thoughts and conditions our thinking. It is about how we cultivate our mind, disciplining our minds and hopeful for finding happiness within. However said, ultimately we will have to walk this path towards liberation ourselves, as no one can purify us, nor can we purify others.

Life is no permanent and all things are subject to change. Therefore we need to strive diligently and conditions ourselves to this path. I believe in loving kindness and with a well guarded / conscious mind, no one will be harm. When we think we are suffering, it is important that we address the cause of the suffering.

It is important that we choose to be associated with wise people or companion so that we benefit from the sharing of minds, through our sharing, we reflect and practise in life.

I like the following :

Dhammapada v.36

Sududdasam sunipunam
yathakama nipatinam
Cittam rakkhetha medhavi
cittam gutham sukhavaham
the translation is :

The mind is very hard to perceive,
extremely subtle, it flits to wherever it desires.
Let the wise person guard it;
a well-guarded mind is conducive to happiness

Dhammapada v. 112

Yo ca vassatam jive
kusito hinaviriyo
Ekaham jivitam seyyo
viriyam arabhato dalham

The translation is :

Should one live a hundred years
indolent and unenergetic, better indeed
for him just to live a single day,
undertaking steadfast energetic effort.

This evening has given me a better wisdom in life ! Something to remember :

Perseverance 恒心 ~ despite all the challenges in life

Patience 耐心 ~ despite the lack of progress / no perceptible changes
Metta 爱心 ~ despite all the pains and hindrances in life.

Sadhu sadhu sadhu !

Sharing my life with my children

2009-09-12T21:30:00.003+08:00

I have been thinking of this and it is something that I need to share with the children.

My life and my marriage situation with my children. My son seems to know that we will divorce eventually. And he asked me if we are divorced? The status is the divorce should conclude by end of the year I think.

My eldest daughter said to me, "Mom since papa is no longer here, I don't want to talk about him and I will feel sad and you too." And I told them we have to move on with life and even papa has also moved on.

This issue is very tricky and it is not a one time talk sought of. It is something that we need to talk over and over again as we face life and changes. I share with them the important of feeling being loved, and they comforted me that they felt the love from me, and I have to love them even more as I am alone now, and in return they will love me very much.

I hope to have my children's understanding and support as we continue this life journey. My children actually accepted that they no longer will see their papa. They are great kids !

Cooking

2009-09-12T20:43:00.005+08:00

What is your hobby? My hobby is to cook.

Honestly I haven't been cooking for years, and whenever someone asked me what is your hobby, my answer is cooking. I feel embarrassing to acknowledge and at times I doubt if I can cook well still.

Lately, I started to cook more especially when my under utilised oven is back in action. This oven was like "dead" for sometime and 2 months back it worked again.

Since then, I have been baking cakes, biscuit, pizza and tonight I baked chicken and potatoes with mushroom sauce and bake my own garlic bread, modern cooking baked only (not the whole process of making the bread dough la...).

I did a cost calculation for a family of 5 including my maid, it is so much cheaper to eat at home. I used to eat out and nowadays my children have grown up and they eat more and it is really more economical to cook at home. My estimated cost for dinner tonight is about RM30 for 4 chicken thighs and it served 5 persons. It is healthy and most importantly it has been cooking. Thankfully I have a good maid at home who will do the rest of the washing...

I told my children, we will have a nice fancy dinner once a month and the rest of the weekends, we make it simple.

See the picture above, that is what I cooked for my precious children and the ais batang is home made too...this is something I enjoyed very much during school days.

Life is challenging

2009-09-10T22:29:00.005+08:00

This evening I was with 2 other ladies, and we have the same fate in life

Sadly we went through the same trouble with the marriage, financial situation and everything seem to fall apart in life.

We have challenging life, coping with daily expenses, and my girl friend said you have three...it is really not easy. At least for the moment, he meets his commitment on monthly basis which is a relief to me. As for my other 2 friends, they have more to worry financially.

Life is never easy, especially with children. I really hope I will continuously have the strength to live the best I can, I just hope to have a contented life and a day that ends with no fear.

I just learnt this from a drama that I just watched...I particularly like this closing script "As long as I have a partner to laugh with me, and he extends his hands for me".

My simple wish in life !

With metta always :)

Buka Puasa

2009-09-08T23:03:00.004+08:00

It is a month after my very heartfelt event and finally we had our post mortem.

The post mortem only took less than 10 minutes to conclude and basically it was zero critical comment...what a relief... am so glad. Of course in side I am very delighted and happy that my baby event was a success. Most importantly I have enriched my awareness related to Thalassaemia disease and I am even considering helping the association as a volunteer or committee. Honestly, I was just offered to be one this evening.

Our post mortem continued with Buka Puasa hosted by my client together with the committee, and some medical professionals from the hospital. It is a nice dinner where I don't feel isolated either way, I feel the genuine kindness and warm from everyone.

Glad all went well.

Painful memories 2 years ago

2009-09-05T21:28:00.007+08:00

Time flies it is 2 years now and I can still remember them very clearly.

I am not sure if this is good or bad, as I said to myself, don't look back the past, let it go and close that door, another door is awaiting but this daunting memories still linger on.

It was a nightmare to me 2 years ago, every part of my life broken into pieces, unemployed, lonely, uncertainty, lost and totally fearful.

It hurts me both physically and emotionally and two years after, I have become much stronger emotionally, the physical pain has gone but the bad memories stay.

I really wish I can wipe them out...but it is never possible. I only wish to have more love to ease this feeling. I am not sure writing this post will help me to forget the past...but I guess it is those once for all...never look back !

I read through my old posts and I found this article Create A Life of Love that I have posted which is truly inspirational and motivated for me to move on. I do have fear to love as much as I think I can, but life goes on...I will over come it soon,

Maybe this time, maybe it's you !

God bless me :)

Our Song

2009-09-03T17:38:00.004+08:00

Do you have a song that you called it "Our Song" ?

I do and strangely I heard this song in particular many times whenever we are in the same scenario and circumstances in life.

I find having a song called "OURS" is very romantic and it is a way for two committing into a relationship. And how long does it take or at what stage of a relationship for a couple to have "Our Song" ? Perhaps not every relationship will even come this far. Once I knew this person and we share a lot deep affections for each other, but we didn't share a song that is ours.

I only have 2 songs and even though I have more than two relationships in life. Both songs fitted into my life and they mean something to me. They are great songs...

Feeling refreshed and recharged

2009-09-02T16:12:00.006+08:00

How do you feel after one week of vacation ?

I was just talking to someone about vacation and seems like a minimum good break should be about 5 days. And I just had a 7 days break, I must say I am so blessed to have this luxury.

I feel totally refreshed and recharged. Both mind and body have well rested and rejuvenated though I had a bit of discomfort during the trip probably due to the change in diet and activities. Most importantly, I came back with a healthy skin tone...and now need to look at some new shade for make up palette to suit my colour...hahahaha.

I have a clearer mind to move on with life, a lot of encouragement to walk on. I will deal with one thing at a time. Hopefully I can sort things out soonest possible.

A good reminder for me after the trip is :

Forget the past, they are history,

close the door and move on there is another door waiting for me.

It has been totally inspirational and motivated trip as well...thanks :)

Fabulous vacation

2009-09-01T11:37:00.008+08:00

It has been the longest break for me since I started to blog and it is also the longest vacation for me....and truly a wonderful and memorable holiday!

A week vacation for me is hard to come by, and I had before with my family and kids and the experience is different.

It is just superb in many ways...

Flew on Air Asia as part of the prize that I won, checked into the hotel with great location, but the bed is way way way too hard. It doesn't even feel like a mattress, made a complain to the front desk, nothing much can be done. The breakfast was just average..very typical chinese breakfast with some continental selection.

Day 2, our sightseeing day and the most adrenalin excited day - I walked the Macau Tower at 233 metres high ! I did Sydney Tower walk before and it is guarded by railing, and in Macau, the walk is only with harness that works exactly like the safety belt. Trust me, I wasn't prepared for that...but it turned out well, had a certificate to show off....hahahahaha and a photo CD and the bright orange T Shirt.

We did what a tourist would do visiting Macau, ate the famous Portugese Egg Tart, freshly baked....yummy it was good ! The weather in Macau was so humid and I was dripping like never before, as good as seating in the sauna.

What was good throughout the trip is the gastronomy discovery of Portugese cuisine. My famous is the clam in wine sauce....yummy. I had more than once...hahahaha ! I love the baked Sardine, a simple dish yet so tasty. The famous Sucking pig is a must to try but not really my preference. As for what Macau is famous for - casino, all I have contributed was HKD20...so it is really not my thing to do in Macau.

Second highlight of the trip was an overnight visit to Hong Kong. It was as hot as in Macau perhaps a little better. Did the ferry from Hong Kong to Kowloon, something that I have not done for years, took the tram to visit the Peak, enjoyed a nice lunch seating at this corner with the best view of Hong Kong and Kowloon. Last but not least, the romantic stroll along the Arena of the Star in the evening. Came back dead tired...and took the ferry back to Macau.

Our return to Macau is different, we took the premium turbo jet which was a complimentary upgrade. Food served on board but it is definitely not necessary...at 4.45 pm, they served us yogurt and cake which I feel is more like a breakfast set...but anyway, it has been ok too.

We checked into a lovely 5 star resort, a total contrast to our first hotel. The bed is heavenly and the lobby is cosy and people are much more friendly. Met up with a friend who has made our stay memorable. The rest of our stay was just relaxing by the pool, eat and sleep...and a bit of shopping for souvenirs. We went to check out the newest place in Macau, City of Dreams but kinda disappointed because the Hard Rock is just a hotel and not the Hard Rock Cafe that we are familiar with. Venetian is too big and full of Chinese...I feel the lack of exclusiveness and luxury feeling.

We went back to our favourite restaurant in Fisherman Wharf for the Clam in Wine Sauce and almost missed out the top thing to do which was a prayer at A-Ma Temple. We reached the temple just 10 minutes before its closing time. I did my prayer for a great year ahead...

The vacation ended yesterday with me looking a lot more healthier due to the sun tanning, looking radiant and totally refreshed, maybe 1-2 kgs extra...oooops!

7 days can be really too long for Macau and Hong Kong but with the right company, it is never too long :)

Family Birthday Gathering

2009-08-22T23:24:00.004+08:00

Tonight I attended a family birthday gathering. We celebrated two birthday, one is my uncle's 70th Birthday and another is my aunt who happens to be back to Malaysia for 2 weeks vacation. They are both senior citizen and 2 years ago when my mom turned 70, everyone came to my hometown and gave her a surprise birthday gathering.

My mom 2nd eldest in the family of 10, decided to make a trip here just to be with her dearest siblings. The reason is simple she wishes to be with them as she is also getting old and just never knew how many more birthdays she could spend with them. I feel for her and truly understand her feelings.

It was a simple family dinner without my children sadly because this dinner was planned last minute, and my children are on their way back to my hometown for school holiday. It would have been nice to have them for tonight's dinner. They would have created a lot more noise and laughter throughout the dinner.

I have 3 very independent children who will not give me much problem when they have to leave me. The little one was so excited and happily waving good bye and hugged me.

I wish my uncle, aunt and my mom...the best of health and many more such gatherings in the future!

My son is on facebook

2009-08-20T14:52:00.003+08:00

I can see he is growing, and it is a joy and I enjoy as well as I also geram at times....

Firstly he started his gmail account, and he created his own blog and now he is into facebook. Nowadays he has many friends calling him and they have some common topics like discussion on the some IT staff...can you believe it??

A few minutes ago, he was chatting with me on facebook. And since he is quite an IT savvy person and I don't have to teach him much on the application.

I hope with facebook, it helps to foster a closer bonding. I actually treat him like a big boy but I know he wishes to be mommy's little boy, still a lot of "manjaing" ! I feel the way to teach him is to give him more responsibilities at home...and of late I see some improvement!

Mommy's big boy, you were once tiny and small when I held you in my arm 10 years ago, when you made me a proud mom for the very first time...you have grown to be a big and handsome boy now.

Mama loves you Jordan !

Away to Langkawi

2009-08-19T13:21:00.008+08:00

I have been to Langkawi a few times and all for different purposes.

First visit was with my ex, it was a "pak toh" trip, courting me and also mini honeymoon. I remember vividly we rented a car, drove around the entire island, did what a first timer would do, visited many sightseeing places. I remember we stayed at Burau Bay Resort, the cabana room, nice and romantic! It is probably called Mutiara Burau Bay now...

Second trip, I brought my bundle of joys, my son and daughter with my mom and it was a big entourage. This time, we stayed at the Andaman, the kids have a good time but sadly it rained so our activities were limited to indoor. Staying at the Andaman is lovely and it is luxury, nice landscape and lobby is airy and spacious but you have to be prepared to pay for the expensive F& B, a breakfast can easily cost you RM75 - 80 per person. The location is kind of isolated that you wouldn't want to drive out to Kuah Town or Pantai Cenang for food.

Then, last week I was there again, and I was there alone...is ok la because it is for work. The entire island was heavily packed with events and tourist, and many hotels were fully booked. So, my office booked me at Tanjung Sanctuary Resort & Spa. As I previously posted my discovery of how effective and fun to use google maps, it made my trip even more interesting. While we were driving from the airport, I became the navigator and was really great tool to travel with. The resort has gone through a refurbishment from a 3 star to Villa concept. Not highly populated as there are only 32 units of individual villa. The room is spacious, bathroom is nice with a bathtub..The resort is only at soft opening stage since May 09, and there are certainly room for improvement. The balcony is great with a daybed, very relaxing to read and just snooze away...

The restaurant set up is simple yet cosy...a good place for couple to relax. So, alone at this resort can be quite lonely and boring!! right ??? No way, I took the opportunity to spend half the morning by the pool, reading and just do nothing while enjoying the sea breeze. I enjoy the peace and quietness at this place except for a family with two kids jumping up and down the pool that woke me up from my lazy morning!

So, overall my overnight trip to Langkawi has been great! I guess it is my work nature, ingrained in me....grrrrrrr, it is never a pure vacation without involving hotel inspection...So, I did another inspection at Bon Ton and Temple Tree. This is totally different from sea, sun and beach. You get the sun but not the beach and sea. The property is built around padi field, and all the structure of the building are actually "antique old structure/facade" that were put together. It is very interesting but maybe typically Malaysian will not really appreciate this.

Just feel like sharing my work cum leisure experiences...

Sukiyaki ~ a dedication to you

2009-08-16T22:22:00.004+08:00

I have heard of this song many times, we hear this over and over again at the bar, live band performing ! And few days ago, I heard it again ! They are so many different versions...

It is a lovely song that I wish to dedicate to you...happy listening !

My baby girl

2009-08-16T21:51:00.007+08:00

I must admit the little girl is my darling.....maybe she is the youngest and she simply knows how to make me laugh ! She is forever my baby girl..the one that I can carry still...

She is adorable, cute and she has beautiful eyes, 2 dimples...she has that manja look that you simply can't raise your voice. She is like a little puppy and just glue her head to me. Something funny yesterday between me, the maid and her..maid was talking to me and she was in between our conversation, and she suddenly said this to kakak..."you scold me ar???" We burst into laughter by her response..obviously the maid wasn't scolding her!

When she talks, she surprises you all the time. Each time when I look into her eyes, her unpretentious face, the sweet smile, cute face and her naturally curled hair, I always think of her father, he has missed seeing her growing up.

Today met up with a few ex colleagues during a gathering, everyone has their share of opinion about my children. And this remark certainly stays...he is the replica of his father!

My dearest children..mom loves you all !

Crossroads

2009-08-14T23:07:00.004+08:00

I was lying by the pool, enjoying the solitude, calmness and quietness that morning. And I was reading and thinking too. For the past two years, the first year was rush, unsettled and I was trying to get my breath, face the world, deal with emotions and everything. Now, the 2nd year, I am more adjusted and facing life in a more comfortable manner.

There are moments in life that just gone past without us realising. Most of us have so much to work and to manage in family. I reflected what have I done in the last 10 years of marriage. I was just busy managing the family and work, and little have I noticed that I needed some time to myself, a quiet solitude moment for me and him.

I have rushed my days, kept myself totally busy and the day ended almost midnight..dead tired. That was typically my life for the past 10 years. Somehow, perhaps it is also the age, I am now making changes to life, living a life that has more values and not the same way I used to have.

I have came across a few crossroads, and whenever I had to deal with it....he has been there for me. I am about to face another one, and I think this time it is a much more challenging one, something that I have considered and being encouraged, and opportunity and chances seem coming my way....

This time I have to make some decision on my own, should I take this big bold step ? Should I consider ?....a lot to ponder and think about, at least there is still hope in life !!

Google Map

2009-08-14T21:39:00.004+08:00

For the past few days, I have learned something...it is Google Map. This is obviously not new to me, but for the very first time, I make use of this application effectively in my work.

I found it so useful and it has certainly helped when you are traveling on the road to some place totally unfamiliar to you. All you need is unlimited Internet access, otherwise it may cost you a lot of money.

I am never afraid of getting lost as I believe if this way is wrong, there is always another way...and during my stay in Langkawi, we drove and not that we will get lost but I was excited to try out google map. I must say...very very useful. Not only it tells you the direction from one point to the other, even the contact no. and address of the place you are heading also available. And some even show you the street view...and it is actually virtual tour of the surrounding!

I love it....

My bed

2009-08-12T15:39:00.004+08:00

I have been thinking about this lately, especially nowadays my 3 precious sleep on my bed and left me with a narrow side to sleep.

I have been sleeping on this bed for years since I got married. The kids occasionally shared my bed. Of late, they love to share the bed and the only thing that came to my mind is, they want to be part of me and closer to me.

As we all know, kids love to kick their blanket, and changing position always, they might end up at the bottom of the bed when they wake up, or it might be horizontal and etc. Can you imagine all three, 6 legs crisscrossing each other, one foot on the tummy of the other..hahahaha!

This is what I love and enjoying seeing them on my bed, even though I don't have a proper bed to myself. Since the day I started to sleep alone, I am still loyally sleeping on one side of the bed...I always thought maybe I should sleep in the middle of the bed, and have the entire bed to myself, strangely when I lie down, it is always on one side of the bed...don't know why...hehehe!

Yeah....a great event !

2009-08-10T10:37:00.007+08:00

I am all smiling now as the event is finally concluded and it is a success. Yeah !

I only had merely 90 mins of sleep the night before due to the set up and preparation, and arriving at 6.45 am looking energized. I am used to this because of my work nature, and never complaint much about this, why ?? I love my job.

We have almost 90% ready by 7am, just some touching up. Dealing with government involvement, it requires some protocol, especially the salutation list. Well, it was not easy but I thanked the NGO which is Thalassaemia Association of Malaysia (TAM) especially the President for entrusting me this role. He even thanked me in his speech for the dedication and effort towards making this event a success.

The moment the PM's wife has confirmed her presence, we had to work on confirming the invitation list and some of the high ranking officers from the ministry didnt confirm their attendance. And we have to be on our toes at all times. Suddenly all showed up...and thankfully I have prepared for this...even the drinking water, glass are prepared for it.

Just before her arrival, I was running up and down ensuring we are all set. And her official informed me...she has left her residence. All the VVIP were on standby at the entrance to welcome her...and that was the beginning of the launch.

Everything went smoothly...and she left about one hour later. Of coures, in between, there were a lot of play by ear situations. If she wants this..or if she will not attend and etc. So it was exciting and great learning experience.

This is the first time seeing her in person...what is my feeling about her?? I shall not comment here....but I shoke her hand....hahahaha!

So, the actual event rolled out. The blood screening was really busy with a lot of public that came to find out if they are suspected Thalassaemia carrier. I noticed this young girl who was with her parents and she was crying when she read her screening result and whle the counsellor was talking to them.

Apparently her mom is a carrier and yesterday she found out she is a carrier. She can't accept that she is a carrier that she might have a thalassaemia major child in future....poor girl. Actually people like Abithar Bachan is also a carrier and in Malaysia, we are now in developing and advancing into the care of Thalassaemia treatment. Therefore, they are now surviving passed their 20s and even older.

There were a lot of fun activities on stage, the clown entertained the children, breakdance from a local famous dance group BBoy Suicide. We have happy lucky winners who walked home with iPod Nano...and it was all fun, fun and fun.

I drove home feeling extremely tired and almost dozed off a few times on the road..And had a quick dinner and slept right after the dinner..I was that exhausted.

Most importantly my client and the NGO is happy....my objective is met. I hope this awareness campaing has awaken all Malaysian.

Thalassaemia Awareness Day on 9 August 2009

2009-08-05T23:47:00.004+08:00

Thalassaemia Awareness Day..the project that I have been working for months is finally reaching out to the public on 9 August 2009.

This is a personal blog but since I like to share this special day with everyone, I have used this site to promote this educational event.

I have been with the patients, parents and NGO who works hard on promoting the awareness of the disease, I feel for them. It is not easy to see a 6 months old baby experiencing a bloated stomach due to the spleen enlargement. And to feel for a thalassaemia major patient going through blood transfusion his entire life time and continuous medical treatment.

Despite all the inconvenience that they have to bear, they are still wonderful people who are as normal as us except that their life will be threatening if treatment and blood transfusion are not done on regular basis.

It is really our responsibility to know if we are a carriers and how to avoid bearing a child eventhough it is only 25% probability of the child is the major. It is better to know and please come for the screening which is free of charge. Counsellors from HKL are happy to speak to you on Thalassaemia.

Please come and join us.....agenda of the day :

9 August, 2009 @ Berjaya Times Square
0900 hrs - 2000 hrs
Official launch by Datin Paduka Seri Rosmah Mansor
Blood Donation
Free screening and counselling
Chat with patients and NGO
Great fun activities and Lucky Draw.

See you there !

最初的夢想

2009-08-05T00:20:00.006+08:00

今天我反复的听了这首歌好几遍. 它令我想起了我的梦想, 我们每一个人在学校里,老师们要我们写下我们的梦想. 想起来,有多少个人的梦想都达到了.

我所响往的美好的憧憬. 和人生的旅途都在反反复复, 有挫折, 有欢乐, 有悲哀, 有成就也有失败. 一切一切都是短暂的. 在人生的某个阶段, 因为我们的经历, 改变了我们最初的梦想, 是不是我们的梦想就不会再达到了吗? 在彷徨的时候,是不是就没有梦想? 好多人说我们一定要有梦想,才会有实现的机会. 因为我们的人生又开始有目标 - 就是我们的梦想!

我的人生到了这时候, 面对的前景没有抱太大的希望, 没有多大的勇气面对, 只好依靠我小小的梦想, 一步一步的迈向它, 堅持自己把我小小的梦想实现了.

快乐幸福，感恩知足。希望你也和我一样喜欢这首歌:)

如果骄傲没被现实大海冷能拍下

又怎会懂得要多努力 才走得到远方

如果梦想不曾坠落悬崖 千钧一发

又怎会晓得执着的人 有隐形翅牓

把眼泪装在心上

会开出勇敢的花

可以在疲惫的时光

闭上眼睛闻到一种芬芳

就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮

又能边走着边哼着歌 用轻快的步伐

沮丧时总会明显感到孤独的重量

多渴望懂得的人给些温暖借个肩膀

很高兴一路上我们的默契那么长

穿过风又绕个弯心还连着 像往常一样

最初的梦想紧握在手上

最想要去的地方 怎么能在半路就放

最初的梦想绝对会到达

实现了真的渴望 才能够算到过了天堂

My love

2009-08-04T01:29:00.005+08:00

I am actually very tired and it has been a long day, meeting till almost 10 pm, but my mind and hands are eager to write this post.

Actually this is nothing interesting or exciting but it is all about my love - 3 precious children.

A moment ago, the baby came to me, just step out from my room, sucking her thumb, her messy hair all over, looking extreme blurred and walked to me. She woke up and realised I am not in the room. All I did was cuddle her in my arms, brushed her messy hair aside so that I can see her little angel face clearer. And just to kiss her little forehead, and feel her warm in my arm.

The two older one are equally my darlings..they know how much I love them, and why do I care so much and been fierced to them. All three are devils and angels, how can I don't love them. No affirmation needed, I know my love for them is real and so true!

Just a short post..but it is all about my love!

Despair !

2009-08-01T22:25:00.005+08:00

I faced an issue with him recently and I have asked him to resolve it soonest possible. And he didn't respond to me if he has done something about it.

Little that I know what exactly is happening, I finally realized what had happened and it is too late. I ask for it to be return to me, I know it will be tougher than anything I can imagine.

Out of frustration, I wrote to him, and all he said was..am sorry !

Who feels sorry for me ? This issue was not the fault of me, the other party is involved, I am the unfortunate one, what do I do now ? I can't be doing this for you anymore..I have a life and 3 precious lives with me.

It spoil my day and even thinking of cancelling dinner plan, but life goes on, if I have to fake, just put up a brave front, I just did, I am just enjoying my sorrow...hahahaha. I just faked, but I have no choice, just stay strong and move on.

I feel despair, frustrated and unhappy. I only pray that he survives...

With metta..may you be well, peaceful and safe.

My day

2009-08-01T00:56:00.003+08:00

My day usually starts well...work out, already planned out for the day, client calling me or text me and etc. Visiting client to follow up on upcoming event, to present new proposal and just to build the rapport.

Back to the office, deal with internal issues, operational matters that ultimately my objective is to deliver the best for the client.

Makan2 is just another part of life, lunch here or there, today I will lunch with my client, business associates, acquaintances and sometimes in the evening, have a teh tarik, a few drinks with friends and client just to relax after a long day !

In between the day, we deal with challenges at work, negotiating and planning, interesting and funny moments at work, receiving phone calls and sms from those that make your day or those that trying to sell you insurance in 5 mins sales talk.....argghhh.

Back home, opening up mail box is not something I look forward, full of whatever whatever we have to pay for living. But, I have 3 beautiful and adorable children waiting for me that brightens up my day. Seeing them make my day even better, typically as a mom, whenever I walk pass any bakery, I will step in to get some breads and cakes.

This is how I live a day at one time, start the day right (hopefully everyday), facing the world and challenges and look forward to end it well and start another great day tomorrow.

:)

Treats for children

2009-07-29T22:08:00.008+08:00

Whenever I am out with the kids in the weekends, I must say my children are not demanding and pampered with toys and etc. But most of the times, whenever they asked for something like books and toys, I will give it to them.

Seems like I am pampering them right ?? I don't want to pamper them neither I will give in always. But the fact is, now I am a single parent, I feel sad for my kids, just imagine before that, they turn to their father to ask for things when they failed to ask from me or vice versa ! I know what is like when I was young, if I want something from my mom, when I was refused, I know where to turn to and that is my father.

So nowadays, whenever they want something, I will do whatever I can to fulfill their request. Because there is no one for them to "manja" and if I say "NO" it is the final answer.

I am blessed with understanding children that if I have to say "NO" to them, I will reason it out with them why no, and when I promise them something, I will deliver.

It is not easy as a single mom. I need to discipline them, can't spoil them, and need to love them all. It can be the torn between two situations...

I think whatever I am doing with them, it is all out of love :)

Happy and Excited day !

2009-07-29T20:06:00.006+08:00

Today has been a long day at work...

I am excited as the Prime Minister's wife has confirmed her attendance to officiate the opening of the campaign. That also means that I have more work to do. A lot of planning and details are needed. Hope to have the best team support. This is another baby project for me !

The event has kicked off with the press launch, and more loose ends need to be tied up and I am just equally excited and tired too. Why, I know the reason....

At the press launch, I have even better understanding what and how Thalassaemia will affect us. I think at the end of this project, I can be the volunteer for the association (if they want me la..lol).

I am almost there to see the birth of the project.....I have started working on this since March this year..I put in all my heart and passion and even sweat in this project.....I am happy and I will ensure it is a success !

Yeah..just keeping my fingers crossed for the smooth execution :)

Good Laugh - £7.00 well spent!!‏

2009-07-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and says good bye.

A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Carlton charges £198. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from Medicare.

Healthy children

2009-07-26T20:40:00.005+08:00

I posted recently my work involvement in NGO and this is an awareness campaign on Thalassemia for the general public. The statistic shows that every 20 Malaysian, there is one carrier. And the seriousness of being ignorance about this would result in having a Thalassemia kid if you marry another carrier. And this would mean a Thalassemia major. Please read more information about Thalassemia.

I had been in the meeting with parents who have been volunteering themselves in the association. They have been through the hardship of nursing and taking care of their own children. This bubbly lady in her 40s has a son who is a major and they discovered his problem when he was 6 months old. Now he is in his 20's and monthly his medical bill is about RM8000 worth of treatment and medication.

She shared with me that some unfortunate parents with a few Thalassemia major kids will have a hefty bill to think about, and it is their responsibility to ensure that they have to manage some birth control here. Also, some who live in rural area, will give up the treatment after awhile.

After my half day discussion with her, I am even more at heart in my work especially this project to create the awareness of being a carrier and the consequences of conceiving a child if the partner is also a carrier. However, with the advance medical technology, if you are a carrier, there is also ways to prevent having a Thalassemia kid. So, not so worrying la, just do the screening and take the necessary preventive treatment.

I thank God that I have 3 beautiful children that have no major health problem (touch wood). I must count my blessing and feel lucky that even during pregnancy there were no complication. Despite them being so hyper almost every minute at home, I am glad I don't have to spend a lot of time in the hospital. I still remember when I have to spend a few nights in the hospital for a few years when my daughter had high fever, I just couldn't sleep unless there was another person to watch her.

I just wish all be well, safe and healthy :)

The future of parents

2009-07-26T12:25:00.005+08:00

This morning the Star highlighted abandoned old folks by their children. They are left at the general hospital and never taken home after that.

My son told me "Mom, so many left abandoned, the children don't take care of their parents" and I asked him," will this happen to mom?" he replied, "No, it won't". I feel a sense of relief though, but he is only 10 years old, will he remember this phrase that he once spoken ?? As they grow up, living in the society and environment that advances and evolving, their thinking might change due to unforeseen circumstances, it is really no guarantee.

I guess I should plan my retirement without children. Hahaha...the bonus is I have 3, maybe out of three one will be happy to have me !

Comparing to those without kids, will they have to worry about this ?? Or they may have fear of being lonely at old age?? For those with children, they have different set of worries, kids mixing the bad company, kids not filial to them, left the parents for a life on their own ?

My future with the kids.....I only pray that no matter how difficult to walk through this life, I can bring them up successfully in a happy environment they deserve to have ! The rest, I leave it to the universe to take care !

With metta to all :)

Will they move on their own ???

2009-07-25T12:34:00.006+08:00

When I went into the bathroom, the house was quiet as the kids are still out in school for extra curriculum activities. About 10 minutes later, the house is screamingly noisy with their noises, playing "Beat it" and singing along, jumping on my bed and rolling all over !

And I beginning to think, the noise is getting me a bit crazy, and on the contrary if the house is completely quiet if they don't live with me, will I be as happy still without them around me ? I brushed off the idea of stopping them from having the monkey fun time jumping on the bed. Their laughter and giggling sound actually make me happy at times (only)...lol !

I asked them, if I don't tell them what to do, eg. it is time to shower, it is time to get ready and get dressed for classes and etc. Will they move on their own ? My eldest daughter answered very fast, no, I won't ! My son said I will but it takes 10 minutes later to do it.

As a mom now, I remember when I was a kid, we are so used to being told to do this, to do that. Is this something we repeat generation over generation, or it is just my kids that needed this attention all the time. Maybe they are still young, and they are not the time keeper. Naturally, I am the one to push things moving !

I like my kids to be independent and it is time to let them take up little responsibility..

Just my thought in the morning !

Have a good weekend :)

Sisterly Chat

2009-07-23T15:40:00.004+08:00

I had a good chat with my sis last night. As we grow older, we have walked so much and gone through a bit too, and when we meet, it is great to share our lives experiences. I enjoy moments with my sisters where all four of us just relax and chat ! Sadly it is not easy to do this often as we are not near one another !

We spoke about how we face life being a single mom, and coping with children and their demand. Our social life and how we manage them. We have a good laugh as well as sharing of tears of how painful it is being one! We know what is life as a mom what's more single mom, we appreciate how much a vacation or a time to ourselves mean so much to us !

Thanks Sis for allowing me to know you better !

Good Marriage

2009-07-21T15:48:00.006+08:00

A friend sent me this article...(double click on the image to enlarge for better reading)

It is nice and very soothing to read ! That reminds me of what I saw during my regular weekend outing.

I got used to walking alone in the mall after sometime being alone, since I have no one to talk to, I look and observe people in the mall, young couples, old couples and family.

So after reading this article, I remember I saw this old Indian couple in their 60's sharing the escalator with me. They have so much to talk and laugh, and at the end of the escalator, he walked next to her and hold her hand..and they continued their joyful conversation. In my heart, I really wanted to tell them.."I am so happy for both of you, you inspired me to live long and love long"

I didn't do so obviously...they probably will think something is wrong with me..!

I don't know why, when I see this couple looking so happy, I feel equally happy inside me. The lovingkindness in me radiated towards them. Perhaps they have shown me a good example of being old together is a joy and able to share our lives together is another greater happiness. It is their gesture that makes me think deeper how to maintain a good relationship !?

May all be well, happy and peaceful...with metta :)

The father

2009-07-19T20:25:00.003+08:00

The children have been talking about their father on and off...

This is something that I can't stop them from doing, it is the only memory that they have about their father. At times when I am down, I wished that they don't talk about him, but I know very well I can't erase this memory from them. That's all they have of their father. The best and the last thing they remember of him is still the funny and happy Papa.

I am sure they think of him every now and then perhaps not on daily basis, honestly I have been selfish in this case, I don't want to ask them about him, because I feel the subtle approach of forgetting him would be better for them. I know my son actually cried thinking of him, he misses him. He is the one that remembers him very well, the father and son thingy...

Whenever they talked about him, they are so happy and joyful reminiscing the happy times they had with him.

Though the marriage has come to an unpleasant ending for the family, I will only cherish the good times we had. Similarly like my unpretentious children, I shall keep the rough days away from my memories.

Children is so pure, they are innocent.

with metta :)

Funny Video

2009-07-17T10:07:00.004+08:00

This is a good "therapy" to unwind the hectic week, to start a day...just have fun in viewing it.

I just did it....have a good day :)

Miss updating my blog !

2009-07-17T01:20:00.005+08:00

I have not been blogging as much as I used to...and I do miss it !

Work has been quite busy lately and I actually enjoy being busy, and it is ingrained in me that I love being very occupied. Even in the evening I have meetings with client as I am working with NGO therefore we only meet after work. There goes my meditation class...been missing a bit !

However, life hasn't been the best, had to cope with many challenges from different peoples. I try to remain as calm and positive..which I think I did pretty ok, but I think I can do better.

Lately I started to have sweet tooth for specific dessert...I am not a dessert lover especially those very rich chocolate or cheesy type. So I better watch my waist line...and have to double up my exercise.

I have to continue to read more where I have left....reading motivational, religious and self help book has helped me a lot !

Personal life has been ok la...though nothing too exciting but good enough to make me feel happy and look forward to another day and still smiling as always !

It has been awhile since I last posted a nice song...here is another lovely song !

I looked in the sky
and there I saw a star
shining so bright above

I closed my eyes
and wished upon the star
that I would find true love

Someone who needed me..
Someone to share my life..
For a love that would be true I would wait forever

So... no... matter how long it may be..
I will be waiting

One star..
brighter than the others
Two Hearts..
beating for each other
I believe wishes really come true

Love at first sight
I knew it from the moment
when you said hello

I hoped you felt it too
but we were both so shy
how was I to know

when you reached for my hand
I knew you were the one
We laughed and talked for hours
like I'd known you forever

Like... a... dream or something from a book
True love has found me

One star..
brighter than the others
Two Hearts..
beating for each other
Now I see wishes really come true

You just have to dream
Nothing's as bad as it seems to be..
believe me..

Someone's waiting for you to try..
There in the sky..

One star..
brighter than the others
Two Hearts..
beating for each other
You will see wishes really come true

You can't stop believing
wishes do come true
You gotta believe me (wish on a star)
wishes do come true...

Set your priority

2009-07-13T15:48:00.004+08:00

If we have set our priority differently, what would be the outcome ??

I thought about this while driving and been thinking about it. In life, we have many things to work on to achieve our desired result. In corporate world, some would want to focus all on career while remaining as a single, and not even considering marriage or any serious relationship ! Some would settled down to be a housewife while putting the priority as a mother and wife on top of career.

I have had my share as a housewife and in fact for almost 4 years and it is a long time. It is a sacrifice that I made for the sake of family. I gave up my job and stay at home as 黄面婆 ! Almost felt I have lost touch with the corporate world. At that time, I don't have many friends who were not working, I started to have fear, and I could only talked to my friends when they are free in the office..and my topics are all about the children. He was then working on assignment abroad and I was alone most of the time with my son. I just feel like writing this down..after he completed his assignment, I found out that he did something disloyal while he was abroad !

When I decided to go back to work, I switched my priority to building a career and it was tough for me, to get started and I don't even know how to use email....lol. I have worked passionately and in fact loyally as I rejoined the company I left when I quit. I worked very hard and got my way up and left after 4 years. My priority changed again to focus on family as I have 3 kids now to worry about.

What I like to share here is if my husband and I have set our priority on the important of the harmony of a family instead of his strong self ego, and for me was to accept his flaws as secondary issue in our marriage...will it still be the same outcome ??

Honestly I also don't know, but at that time we both have set different priorities...! That is life..I guess we need to be calm, take a deep breath each time when anger is triggering...and then only we make the decision.

Just my thought :)

Sweet moments with kids

2009-07-12T22:50:00.007+08:00

I just had to write this down even though I am already on the bed ready to sleep.

Spending weekends with my children are actually full of surprises and laughter.

Surprises can be from anyone of them..and seeing them growing day by day, especially the little one, she speaks clearly now compares to weeks back, words that she used at times can be very unexpected. She learns from the brother and sister all sorts of tricks, but she is different from them as she is the most loving one, she loves to kiss and hug and that suits me well...hahaha !

Joelle shared with me that Jordan wants to be a famous and well known person like Uncle Ping. Uncle Ping inspired him as people writes about him on magazine and he wants to be someone like that in the future and be rich too ! There is something that I have to work on....to have Jordan to tell me his secret..

The children are learning to be independent too, Jordan is able to cook simple meal to fill his stomach when he is hungry....he is improving actually and he is growing too. He is no longer the skinny boy though he is still not the chubby one.

Joelle is also learning to cook and she cooked mushroom soup. Finally, today I swam with the kids. I haven't been swimming for as long as I can remember maybe over one year. I am glad I did it..it has been great !

One very funny moment with my little girl that prompted me to write this post is when I asked her who does she love ? She replied "mama, cheh cheh, kakak, ko ko, da yi, kong kong, po po" and I asked her anymore ? Guess what is her reply....."enough" ! Hahahaha...that was a good one !

So many little and cute moments with each one of them ~ my precious darlings ! I am indeed blessed and lucky to have them to be part of my life ! My love for them will only grow and will never end !

with metta :-)